Archive for August, 2013
Shot by an anarchist while standing on a Brussels railway station, The Prince of Wales utters the immortal words, “Fuck it, I’ve taken a bullet.”
Music hall comedian Hector Thaxter becomes the first man to say “Arse” on the radio.
After cutting food rations as part of a new economic drive, Chancellor Hugh Dalton is accosted by a beggar in the street who says, “You bloody bastard! What am I meant to do, eat shit?”
Interviewed live on BBC News, a British teddy boy is asked his opinion of Bill Haley. He replies, “Haley? I wouldn’t piss on him if he went up in flames. I’m an Elvis man meself.”
Appearing on a late night live satire programme called BBC3, Kenneth Tynan becomes the first man to say “Fuck” on TV. A national fit of apoplexy follows with one Tory MP suggesting that Tynan should hang!
After watching an episode of “Till Death Us Do Part” that includes 44 uses of the word “BLOODY”, Mary Whitehouse fumes, “This is the end of civilisation as we know it.”
Buzz Aldrin becomes the first man to swear on the moon “Bloody hell,” he tells Neil Armstrong, “I’ve just taken a shit in my space suit.”
Oxford English Dictionary includes the words “FUCK” and “CUNT” for the first time. The National Campaign for Real Swearing issues a statement which reads: “We’d be a bunch of lying cunts if we didn’t say that we were totally fucking delighted.”
Originating from the Australian “Nasty as Fuck”, the word NAFF is introduced to the British public via Ronnie Barker in Porridge. As in “Naff off Godber!” However the expression looses its appeal when Princess Anne starts using it.
On tour in Hong Kong and unaware that he is miked up, The Duke of Edinburgh tells a photographer “Fuck off or I’ll have you shot.”
The moral majority get into a proper old lather after Steve Jones of the Sex Pistols appears on live TV and calls presenter Bill Grundy “A fucking rotter”.
A Bar steward at a Conservative Club in Middlesex is sacked after greeting a club member with the words, “All right, you fucking old bastard, we haven’t seen you for fucking ages!” He is later ruled to have been unfairly dismissed on the grounds that his words “were just a form of greeting”.
British Leyland workers begin their so-called swearing strike after one of the top brass describes them as, “fucking bastards and fucking working-class pigs”.
Jools Holland lets slip with the phrase “Groovy fuckers” on a live broadcast of The Tube and is suspended for six weeks.
A Pakistani umpire calls Mike Gatting “a fucking cheating bastard” during a Test Match.
Female golfer Muffin Spencer-Devlin is banned from a top ladies tournament after calling officials, “A fucking bunch of incontinent wankers!”.
Rev. Ian Gregory, secretary of The Polite Society, proposes that existing swear-words are banished and replaced with “nice words like ‘breadstick’ and ‘cotton socks’”. A spokesman for The National Campaign for Real Swearing responds by saying “The good reverend can go and fuck himself!”.
Pete Sampras, the world’s top male tennis player, shouts at the Wimbledon crowd, “Thank you very much, you mother fuckers!”
A Briton in Saudi Arabia is sentenced to 40 lashes after telling a member of his staff to, “Stuff it up your fat arse you old wanker”.
Boston grunge band, The Anal Cunts, release their first single.
Annoyed at the constant chattering of children during a performance of “Macbeth” at a Manchester theatre, actor Paul Higgins strides to the front of the stage and bellows, “Shut the fuck up or I’ll rip your fucking heads off!”
Students hackers tinker with the digital storage system at Britain’s first talking bus stop in Leeds, with the result that a queue of passengers expecting a recorded timetable are greeted with the words, “Fuck off and walk you lazy bastards”.
With the advent of Channel 4’s “Bremner, Bird, & Fortune” and “The Eleven O’clock Show”, all known swear words are finally used openly, in entertainment television.
The National Campaign For Real Swearing comments “About fucking time too!“
By Dr. Bawdy and Laughingpoliceman
Directly from the desk of Dr. Bawdy – http://bawdylanguage.com/blog
The Straight Up-and-Up
Tired of the daily grind (19th–20thC), bored with doing the hori- zontalize (c. 1845)? Not to worry. We’ve got more ways of doing it than Heinz has pickles; more flavors than Baskin-Robbins. Why settle for just vanilla sex (1990s)?
You can try it nestled together spoon fashion (19thC), or, if you’re really game, attempt a perpendicular (mid 19thC), also known as an upright grand (c. 1925). It’s nothing more than the old three-penny bit (late 18th–20thC)—what the girls on the cor- ner once featured as their standing bargain.
Though a somewhat shaky proposition, your standard knee- tembler (c. 1860), otherwise known as a quickie (20thC), was the perfect answer to the man on the run. Ever a favorite of the pros, it has failed to catch on at home. According to Kinsey, only four per- cent of married woman say that they would stand for it.
Impatient to get on with it? You might try having a dog’s mar- riage (19thC) or making a dog’s match of it (19th–20thC)— doing it by the wayside, down and dirty. It, however, just might take longer than you think. Dogs have been known to be linked together for hours on end after the sexual act. The penis swells, and the muscles of the female contract, locking the penis within; thus insuring that not till death will they part.
It’s a tough act to follow, but you could possibly try doing a dog’s rig (mid 18th–19thC), defined by Grose as “sexual inter- course to exhaustion followed by back-to-back indifference.”
Read more – Bawdy Language – http://bawdylanguage.com
In what state “you must stay in the missionary position and have the shades pulled while having sex”?
– answer – North Carolina
Dumb Laws in Virginia – “Not only is it illegal to have sex with the lights on, one may not have sex in any position other than missionary.”
Lawmakers in Indonesia are considering a new criminal code that would make unmarried couples having sex illegal, with a penalty of up to five years in jail.
Stupid Laws from Florida – “Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal”. “It is considered an offense to shower naked”. “Oral sex is illegal”. “You may not fart in a public place after 6 P.M. on Thursdays.”
New York – “A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking “at a woman in that way.” A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a “pair of horse-blinders” wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll”.
In Dyersburg, Tennessee, it is illegal for a lady to call a gentleman for a date. Clearly no one in that town is getting laid!
In Washington State, it’s totally legal to eff an animal like an animal, as long as it weighs less than 40 lbs. What, fatty farm pets don’t deserve some love?
The biggest internet porn consuming state, Utah, gets freaky in their laws too. Sex with an animal is totally cool, unless you’re doing it for cold hard cash! Hey, why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free!
While most would argue that this is place where the people get screwed many different ways, in Washington D.C., engaging in any sexual position other than missionary is illegal.
Dr. Bawdy was able to stand it till he was totally smashed and pissed off by Texas’s law – “The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home”.
Directly from the desk of Dr. Bawdy – http://bawdylanguage.com/blog
Another dirty word – the ASS…
The ass is a dependable part that holds up its end of things. As the seat (19thC), it certainly knows its place.
It would be wrong, however, to think it just rests there. This is a hard-working part that quietly goes about its business at the ori- fice, functioning as the shithole (19thC), the brown bucket (20thC), the dirt road (early 20thC), and the poop-chute (20thC). However, there’s little recognition paid its work, and no more insulting a remark than being called “a fucking asshole.” Nothing personal, it’s just one person’s opinion, and as Dirty Harry Calla han (Clint Eastwood) reminded us in The Dead Pool (1988), “Opinions are like assholes; everybody has one.”
Getting Off One’s Ass
The entire experience proved so puzzling, some could no longer locate what they were looking for. They looked to the backside (16thC), the posterior (c. 1614), the rear end (c. 1920s) or the behind (described in the OED as something “in the rear of any- thing moving” or “the rear part of a person or garment”).
Not knowing where else to turn, they came up with the lower back (late 19thC). Things were now desperate. In 1912, British papers recorded news from South Africa of a certain Lord Methuen who had been wounded in the fleshy part of the thigh. Most thought this all very ass backward (or bass ackward, both 20thC), a somewhat strange expression used to describe something that’s askew or out of sync. So too with the expression itself, ass- forward being a much more accurate description of the condition.
Read Bawdy Language – http://bawdylanguage.com
It’s not unusual to insult people by identifying them with their body parts. Calling someone a prick is a commonplace insult, but we reserve use of the expression for males of a particular character, and not for men in general. Cunt, on the other hand, is not only a term filled with contempt and disdain, but it is applied indiscriminately, regardless of the person’s character, insulting not only the person toward whom the remark is aimed, but all women everywhere.
Man has not only spoken ill of the cunt but has also described it in glowingly romantic terms. According to Karen Horney, the noted psychiatrist, this makes very good sense. Both approaches reflect man’s deep-seated dread of the female genitalia; each in a different way helps allay this fear. By making little of the cunt, he convinces himself that there is nothing to fear from so mean an object. Through its idealization he insures the unlikelihood of harm from so divine a being.
And we have no shortage of superlatives to describe it. We have everything from the dearest bodily part (Shakespeare) to the best part (Earl of Dorset), the best in Christendom (Rochester), and la belle chose (Chaucer). For some, it’s been just plain out of this world — as in heaven (18thC).
Yet that nagging fear is always there beneath the surface. It’s also been sheer hell (18thC) and a devilish thing (18thC); so much so that many would dispense with the entire matter by put- ting the Devil into hell (18thC).
Some reserved judgment, as did John Donne with the best- worst part. Others extolled it as a masterpiece and featured it prominently as the star (16thC), depicted ofttimes as pretty- pretty (17thC) and indescribably quaint, as in Chaucer’s “Miller’s Tale”: “Full prively he caught her by the queinte.”3
At its lowest, this cloven stamp of female distinction (18thC) has been reduced to a suck-and-swallow, a man (or fool) trap, a butter boat, an oystercracker, and sperm-sucker (19thC). At the same time, it’s been elevated to a position of power as the control- ling part (19thC) and the regulator (late 18thC–19thC).
It’s almost as though they forgot its more mundane functions as the water box (19thC), or streamstown (c. 1820–90), the gener- ating or brat-getting place (19thC), the nursery, and the bath of birth (early 20thC).
Read more – Bawdy Language Book – http://bawdylanguage.com