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Archive for December, 2012
FROM THE DESK OF DR. CELESTIAL BAWDY
DFA, PHC, BO, LSMFT
DFA, PHC, BO, LSMFT
THE LATEST
AND MOST SHOCKING
REVELATIONS ABOUT HUMAN SEXUAL BEHAVIOR
AND MOST SHOCKING
REVELATIONS ABOUT HUMAN SEXUAL BEHAVIOR
From the desk of Dr. Bawdy and the website that's the last word on sex: www.bawdylanguage.com
Source: The Journal of Articulation, April 22, 2012, pp 64-69. “Yodeling in the Gulley: Unanticipated Benefits,” Study Subjects: 25 Congressional Orators, 25 Hip-Hop Singers, 25 Yentas, 25 ladies singing…and a partridge in a pear tree.
Research Materials and Measurements: Articulation Index, Conversation Quotient, Chatter algorithm, Sneed’s Tongue length and flexibility index.
Statistically Significant Findings: Those who engage in oral sex 10 or more times weekly show an increases in vocal timber (Able to go two octaves above what they previously could; a 75% increase in their use of complete sentences ( both a subject and verb); a reduction in grammatical errors by 38%. Friendships increased by 22%
From the desk of Dr. Bawdy and the website that's the last word on sex: www.bawdylanguage.com
Source: The 7-Eleven Chronicle, July 17, 2012, pp 324-367, “Drink to me only,” Principal Investigator: Dr. Apu Nahasapemapedela, Springfield University.
Study Subjects: middle-aged workers from Springfield Nuclear Power Plant and teenagers from various and sundry hangouts around town. Study site: Kwik-E-Mart.
Study materials: 75 Gallons of Slurpees, assorted flavors, 100 dozen 64 ounce containers. Study tools: slurpee count-meter, internet porn, yardstick from Ace Hardware, and sordid backroom.
Statistically Significant Results: Penis size increased 1mm for every 525 64 oz containers drunk. Note: No variation in size based on flavor.
XTRA: See average international penis size and IQ correlation
From the desk of Dr. Bawdy and the website that's the last word on sex: www.bawdylanguage.com
Source: The Journal of Delay and Obfuscation, August 25, 2012, pp 234-247. “Coming and Going,” Dr. Johannes Sturm and Dr. Sigmund Drang, University of Frankfurt mit Relish.
Study subjects: 25 wranglers fast on the draw and 25 office workers with a reputation for delay, all matched with each other’s wives and girl friends. Women supplied with stop watch and cum-meter.
All events taped and evaluated by independent third party from Price Waterhouse.
Statistically Significant Results: Desultory and delaying at work, faster active in bed; slower and more deliberative in bed, faster on task completion on the job.
From the desk of Dr. Bawdy and the website that's the last word on sex: www.bawdylanguage.com
Source: Street-Walkers Monthly, May 18, 2012, pp 69-69. “The Price is Right.” “Dr. Lucy Poontang, Perverse U, July28, 2012, Study subjects: 25 ladies of the night, 25 congressmen.
Measurements: Cum quotient, salivary gland secretions, incidence and frequency of ear-ringing.
Statistically significant result: For every ten dollars spent, men’s sexual pleasure increased one kumquat (The Journal of Statistics standard for measurement of pleasure)
From the desk of Dr. Bawdy and the website that's the last word on sex: www.bawdylanguage.com
Source: The Women’s Sartorial Guide to Sex, June 21, 2012, pp21-25, “A Real Bust?” Dr. Erin Bazooms, Zaftig U.
Study Subjects: 25 pole dancers and young starlets, 25 middle aged men.
Research tools and measurements: journals, sexual partners’ evaluations, ruler measurements of penile length and depth of penetration, baking thermometers, moistness quotient of vaginal area gauged by dew-meters.
From the desk of Dr. Bawdy and the website that's the last word on sex: www.bawdylanguage.com
