Bawdy Language

A sexual reference book like no other
Everything you always wanted to do but were afraid to say

Dr. Bawdy's counseling is wholly provided for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for qualified medical advice from a licensed healthcare professional. If you're dumb enough to take it, you'll just have to suffer the consequences.

Side effects may include bloated retina, collapsed vagina, anal rash, nasal drip, and double vision. Contact an emergency room psychologist for an erection lasting longer than 20 seconds.

Any further questions regarding individual circumstances should be directed towards your general practitioner/pharmacist/veterinarian. As to any contemplated legal action, tell your lawyer that Dr. Bawdy says he should simply "Fuck off!"

Dear Dr. Bawdy,

Why does “seeing someone” mean that you are also doing them?

— Short-Sighted, Tuscaloosa, AL

doctor Bawdy advicedoctor Bawdy advice

Dear Short-Sighted,

Nine out of ten ophthalmologists recently surveyed reported that seeing someone meant you were fucking them. They attributed this to a full screening and thorough annual eye examination by a licensed health care provider.

Fucking well is a direct function of your vision, meaning it’s important that you see (I mean “visit”) your eye doctor regularly. Proper vision increases the likelihood of the phenomenon called “love at first sight.” Without it you wouldn’t even be able to “first set eyes on someone.”

Nothing is more important to a relationship than love at first sight. It’s a highly efficient procedure, one which saves both parties lots of time, having to really know one another. You know the drill: Fuck first, ask questions later.

Less common is when people who know each other a long time still continue to look at one another. Now, that’s something really fuckin’ remarkable and really outa sight!

Looking for more sound advice? Dr. Write Dr. Bawdy with your problems. Bawdy is the world's foremost authority on sex—says he.

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