Bawdy Language

A sexual reference book like no other
Everything you always wanted to do but were afraid to say



Dr. Bawdy's counseling is wholly provided for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for qualified medical advice from a licensed healthcare professional. If you're dumb enough to take it, you'll just have to suffer the consequences.

Side effects may include bloated retina, collapsed vagina, anal rash, nasal drip, and double vision. Contact an emergency room psychologist for an erection lasting longer than 20 seconds.

Any further questions regarding individual circumstances should be directed towards your general practitioner/pharmacist/veterinarian. As to any contemplated legal action, tell your lawyer that Dr. Bawdy says he should simply "Fuck off!"

Archive for November, 2012


Dear Dr. Bawdy,

On your suggestion, my girl friend and I tried that oral sex thing out the other night. What a bummer! I came in her ear, and she couldn’t hear a word for the entire next week. What am I doing wrong?

— Orally Challenged, Pettysville, MI

doctor Bawdy advicedoctor Bawdy advice

Dear Orally Challenged,

You have confused oral sex with otic sex. Get the wax out of your ears, buddy, and get with the program. Take a Q-tip from me. The Bawdy Language approach may suck but it’s still the universal tongue of couples worldwide.

doctor Bawdy advice
Looking for more sound advice? Write Dr. Bawdy with your problems. Dr. Bawdy is the world's foremost authority on sex—says he.

Dear Dr. Bawdy,

My husband and I have given names to our private parts. Is that normal?

— Encyclopedist, Webster Grove, MO

doctor Bawdy advicedoctor Bawdy advice

Dear Encyclopedist,

Absolutely! And you have a wide range of possibilities to select from. What you call them, however, should reflect their unique talents

Included among my favorite couples are: Emmy and Oscar, Tristan and Isolde, Fred and Ginger, Arthur and Guinevere, Homer, and Marge, and Fred and Wilma.

You can also name them for forces in the culture such as “Third Wave” and “Information age” or for particular attributes for which they are best known. I call my penis affectionately, “Pride.” After all is said and done, the one thing I am still left with is my pride… Please send my best to Punch and Judy.

Looking for more sound advice? Write Dr. Bawdy with your problems. Dr. Bawdy is the world's foremost authority on sex—says he.