Bawdy Language

A sexual reference book like no other
Everything you always wanted to do but were afraid to say

Dr. Bawdy's counseling is wholly provided for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for qualified medical advice from a licensed healthcare professional. If you're dumb enough to take it, you'll just have to suffer the consequences.

Side effects may include bloated retina, collapsed vagina, anal rash, nasal drip, and double vision. Contact an emergency room psychologist for an erection lasting longer than 20 seconds.

Any further questions regarding individual circumstances should be directed towards your general practitioner/pharmacist/veterinarian. As to any contemplated legal action, tell your lawyer that Dr. Bawdy says he should simply "Fuck off!"

Posts for Origins of Sexual Words and Phrases

The F-word is an amazingly versatile piece of our four-letter Anglo-Saxon heritage. It can express surprise, outrage, anger, humor, or delight. And it can stand in for several parts of speech: noun, verb, gerund, particular, imperative, interrogative, interjection.

Let’s not forget use of the f-word as one of the rarest of language forms, the infix. A prefix comes before a word. A suffix comes after. An infix appears in the middle of a normal word or phrase, as in “You are damn f—ing right.” Or “un-f—ing-believable.” Or as they like to moan in Boston when thinking of the New York Yankees victory in the 1978 playoff game: “Bucky F—ing Dent!” It was the light-hitting Dent’s timely home run that ruined the Red Sox season.

by Roy Peter Clark, writing techer

A Many-splendored Thing

Most people are familiar only with fuck’s violent side; few appreci- ate its complex character. Fuck is nature’s all-purpose word, able to express every mood and capture the tenor of every occasion.
The only thing it isn’t is simple, as with this fuckin’ business.

Given the proper inflection, the word can express an entire range of sentiments:

Confusion: What the fuck?
Despair and dismay: Fucked again, or truly fucked.
Liberation: What the fuck!
Helplessness: Fucked by the fickle finger of fate.
Concern: Doesn’t anyone give a fuck?

From Bawdy Language


What’s In a Name?

Few people remember that Warren G. Harding was ever President of the United States; those that do, could care less. The obscure early 20th-century president died two years into office after achieving little that was worth remembering. Count him among the worst of our nation’s chief executives who was best known for the scandals and corruption that marked his tenure in office. But that was until a few days ago when we got a sneak preview of the racy love letters between President Harding and his mistress, Carrie Fulton who also happened to be the wife of one of his best friends.


The Library of Congress this month will release more than 100 of these breathlessly passionate notes written by Harding to his mistress of 15 years… and they are “hot.”

Check out this one: “I hurt with the insatiate longing, until I feel that there will never be any relief until I take a long, deep, wild draught on your lips and then bury my face on your pillowing breasts.”

Most interesting of all was Harding’s on-going reference to his upright member as “Jerry”, describing it like an insistent friend who would arrive without warning and stay beyond his welcome. “Jerry came and will not go, says he loves you, that you are the only, only love worthwhile in all this world,” Harding wrote. “He is so utterly devoted that he only exists to give you all. I fear you would find a fierce enthusiast today.” In one letter penned just before the end of the First World War, Harding said simply: “Wish I could take you to Mount Jerry”.

Harding’s namesake, however, is pretty small pickings compared to a later chief executive, Lyndon Johnson who nicknamed his member “Jumbo” and was fond of showing it to other members of Congress; though it was a quite gratuitous gesture given how everyone already knew what a prick the President was.

It’s not unusual for men to name their organ, a fact I have recorded already in Bawdy Language, marking the special relationship men appear to have with their organ.

Isn’t it time you too got a whiff of the truth? Check out the brief history of the penis from “Bawdy Language.

You Can Call Me…

On a first-name basis, Peter, Dick, and John stand out. Peter began as St. Peter, who held the keys to heaven, but after he had used them regularly for a few hundred years, and clearly was no longer a saint, he was reduced to just plain Peter, a long-time favorite name for the prick.


But Peter is nowhere as popular as he once was, having hit his stride among America’s teenagers in the 1940s and ’50s. In the Ozarks, however, he’s still the word for the family organ. Vance Randolph, the noted folklore specialist, tells the story of a novice minister who both embarrassed and flabbergasted his congregation by innocently inquiring as to how many Peters were out there. It was a real gaffe. In that part of the country, one never refers to Peter in mixed company. A son is never named Peter. And nothing, but nothing, ever peters out.

John, the commonest name in the English language, has often given his name to the commonest organ, as has Johnnie, a favorite of “cultured” nineteenth-century females. We are told that women have also been hot for a man’s Jones (20thC, U.S.), John’s family name. But our featured performer is John Thomas (c. 1840), an old pet name for a flunky or a servant, an important figure in world literature who was also the hero of Lady Chatterley’s Lover and without whom there would not have been a story.

“John Thomas! John Thomas!…”
“Ay,” said the man stretching his body almost painfully. “He’s got his root in my soul has that gentleman! An’ some- times I don’t know what ter do wi’ him. Ay, he’s got a will of his own, an’ it’s hard to suit him. Yet, I wouldn’t have him killed.”
“No wonder men have always been afraid of him!” she said. “He’s rather terrible.”

Jack (19thC), a nickname for John, has also stood for the penis and its erection, as has Jock (before 1790), from which we got the jockstrap by which today’s male supports his hanging Johnny. Nothing—well, almost nothing—could contain a roaring jack. A jack-in-the-box (19thC) was your pop-up surprise, the box being the likeliest place in which a man might place it.

In 1918, a dancer sued  the  publisher of a journal for libel for an  article  linking  her name with the  heading, “Cult of the  Clitoris.” The publisher’s defense rested  on the assertion that  she could  not  possibly  been  libeled  in that  no  one  knew  what  a clitoris was.


When the dancer herself  was questioned whether she knew  the  term,  she  answered, “Yes but  not  particularly.” The author of the  article  swore  he  had  tried  to  find  a  title  “that would  only  be  understood by those  it should be  understood by.”  He  added how  he  had  telephoned a  village  doctor  to whom he mentioned the word and  was told that  it “was a superficial organ  that,  when  unduly excited  or overdeveloped, possessed the  most dreadful influence on  any  woman, that she  would  do the most  extraordinary things,” adding  how “an exaggerated clitoris might drive a woman to an elephant.”

A Doctor  testifying  on  the  publisher’s behalf  said  that  he had  shown the  term  to  fifty or sixty  friends,  none  of whom knew its meaning ( presumably most of these  were fellow Doctors). He added,“ Of course clitoris is a Greek  word; it is a medical term…nobody but  a  medical man  or  people  interested  in that  kind of thing,  would  understand the term.” (Lucy Bland,  ‘Trial by Sexology? Maud Allen, Salome,  and  the  “Cult of the Clitoris Case” in Lucy Bland  and  Laura Doan, eds., Sexology  in Culture: Labeling Bodies and Desires.)

Directly from the desk of Dr. Bawdy –


It wasn’t until 1971, in The Owl and the Pussycat that Barbara Streisand became the first female superstar to say fuck in a major motion picture. Off the set, however, its use was commonplace. During the filming of The Prince and the Showgirl (1957), Laurence Olivier chided Marilyn Monroe for constantly arriving late, asking her, “Why can’t you get here on time for fuck’s sake?” To which she replied, “Oh do they have that word in England too?”

Directly from the desk of Dr. Bawdy –

Behind every pair of breasts there  was a man.  It was men who set  the  standards for the  Breast Betterment League  and  determined  when  a  pair  was  ready  to  face  the  world.  They  described women  who qualified as well developed (19thC), (well) stacked (mid 20thC), (well) endowed or zaftig (20thC, Yiddish  for “juicy, luscious, overweight in the right places”). Later, they said a woman was  well built.  The  phrase originated in the  1930s,  a time  when many  a  public  bathrooms was  going  up,  especially in  parks  and recreation areas, as part  of the WPA. Given  men’s  way with words (especially about women)  and  the  pleasure they  take  in the  bathroom  and  bathroom phrases, it was  only  natural that  they’d  link her architecture to that  of the the privies of the time which  were of truly  solid  construction. Hence the  ultimate tribute, built  like  a brick  shithouse (20thC). What finer compliment could  a woman hope  for?


Literate   men,   however,  would   have   little  to  do  with  such phrases, opting  instead for  more  gentile  expressions such   as buxom. Buxom derives  from the Old English  bouen,  “to bow,” and was once  an innocent word used  to describe a person of either  sex who was humble, submissive, obedient, tractable, and  easily bent—  qualities any  lord  would  be happy to find in his  peasants.

By the sixteenth century the word had  begun  to be applied specifically to a powerfully  built  female  field hand. It later  made  a quantum leap  to her appearance, and  today  refers to any woman with a shapely full-bosomed figure.


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It’s obviously time  to ask  for the  facilities, the  lavatory (or the abbreviated lav)—an old nineteenth-century word from the Latin lavatorium, “a place for washing.”  Hoping   to  disguise   your   mission,  you might  request the  place where you  cough (c.  1920).  Speaking more  directly,  the  shithouse  (19thC), the  can  (c.  1900),  or  the head. Why  the head, when  “tail” is more appropriate? It could  be from the  manner with  which  many  relate  to authoritya political statement of sorts.  Or,  as  is more  likely,  from  the  location of the ship’s facilities—in the “bulkhead.”



When all is said  and  done,  most  Americans need  room  to do it. Today’s  favorites  include washrooms (c. 1878),  bathrooms (c. 1850s),  from a time  when  the  necessary fixtures  joined  the  bath, and  powder-rooms. The  little girl’s  room  (c. 1940s)  is still with us today,  though its counterpart, the  little boy’s  room,  is seldom referred  to. Dual-room names continue to dominate the  landscape of restaurants nationwide: His  ’n’ Hers,  Gents and  Ladies, Gulls and  Buoys, Lads and  Lassies, and  Braves and  Squaws (Ugh!).

Many  prefer  the  restroom. But  if you  asked  for it in England, your  hosts  would  likely point  out  the  cloak-room or show  you  to the  bedroom. Perhaps you  thought yourself  couth by  not  asking for the  toilet (c.  1820s–30s), or one  of its  mutant off-spring  the toidy or  toy-toy  (20thC), but  the  toilet still  works  fine  there among  the  working-class.The toilet  derives  from  the  French toilette, the  diminutive of toile, the  cloth  once  covering  the  table  on which sat one’s preparations, making  it all very acceptable.

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It was easy for the Church to convince people that sex was a dirty business. Reinforced by the proximity of the sexual parts to, and their close association with, the process of elimination of waste, it was only a matter of time before sex came to be identified with the elimination process—a way of transferring from one individual to another such waste matter as may have accumulated in one’s body.

Inter faeces et urinem nascimur.
We are born between fees and urine.
—St. Augustine

Church authorities loved the image. It was perfect. Man eliminated into woman, and her vagina was the repository for his filth. This even sanctioned the role the prostitute played, likening her to a common sewer who helping carry away man’s garbage. Chaucer’s Parson wrote of whores “that must be likened to a common gong (a toilet) where men purged their ordure.”

The theme was picked up in the language. Especially popular during the 1930s was the practice of getting one’s ashes hauled.11 A not unnatural thing, for when fires are raging, ashes are the natural residue. Someone has to remove them. After all, neatness counts, even in sex. It’s another bond between sexual release and personal hygiene.

You’ll find variations of this in contemporary blues songs, with references to how my garbage can is overflowing and requests to please empty my trash. We speak of sex as easing oneself (20thC), and doing one’s business (20thC). Some even refer to it as number three (20thC), an apparent also-ran behind numbers one and two, pissing and shitting respectively.

Hundreds of years after Chaucer’s Parson, a boy in Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar described his first sexual experience with a whore being “as boring as going to the toilet.” Phillip Wylie in Opus 21 recounts how books of advice for young men attaining the age of desire sought to dissuade them from seeking the company of prostitutes. They employed not the toilet but the bathtub to make their point, asking indignantly, “Would you walk into a cheap hotel, find that the stranger before you had left the tub filled with dirty bath water, and immerse yourself in it?”

Sex is great, but it’s really difficult to keep it clean.

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The first affair  occurred when  man  discovered the  wifely function was  to raise  a family  and  administer the  household, but  for pure pleasure and  excitement he had  to look elsewhere.


The  Old  Testament sanctioned such  activity  with  the  concubine(from  the  Latin  concubitus, “lying  together”), who  was  to serve  as  a man’s  consort on  a regular  and  exclusive basis.  Man later broke the monogamy with his mistress, inamorata, or paramour (14thC, originally  two  words,  par and  amour,  hence “being in love through or by sexual love”), though there  was a time when  it described spiritual love,  as  in  the  medieval poem  where Mary  spoke  of Jesus  as  “myne  own  dere  sonne and  paramour.” On a less  lofty plane, she  became his sparerib, side  dish, tackle (17thC), and  flame.

Verbally,  she  always  did  far better  than the  wife. The  wife was relegated to  a  conveniency  (17th–19thC), an  ordinary (17th–20thC), a  comfortable  (17th–20thC), and,  at  times,  an  impudence (17th–20thC). It was  conceded on occasion that  she  was  a necessary, but  that  term,  along  with a convenience, also  referred to a water  closet, putting her in somewhat less than distinguished company. The mistress, though at times  deemed peculiar (17th–19thC), has  always  been  his  natural and his pure (both 17th–19thC) and — when counted among  the very best—his purest pure (17thC).

But it’s been  downhill ever since.  When man  started playing  for keeps, she  became a  kept   woman  (18th–20thC) and  he,  her keeper, leaving  us with images  of a caged  female  held  at bay with chair  and  whip.  Her  glory faded  further  with  the  appellation, a wife  in watercolors (c. 1780–1840), “like their  enjoyments, easily effaced  or dissolved.” Her  slide  continued as  the  brazen hussy, finally  hitting  rock  bottom in  the  twentieth century as  the  other woman and  a little on the side.

Faithfully Yours

Conjugal infidelity  is not  a  subject you  casually fool  around with  (mid  20thC). To be caught cheating (20thC)  is unspeakable and  a  topic  of criminal conversation  (19thC). Some  even  dare call it treason (17thC), fleshly treason, or smock treason


Most  adults prefer  practicing adultery, but  even  with  practice it’s still hardly  adult  behavior—in fact, it’s not even adolescent. “Adult” and  “adolescent” both  derive  from the  Latin ad and  alere, “to  nourish or  raise  toward  maturity.” Adultery, on  the  other hand, comes  from  ad  and  alterare,  “to  change into  something else,”  as  to  corrupt another, or from  ad  and  alterum,  “to  turn  to another.”

Currently, adultery itself  has  been  badly  corrupted. It began when  Mencken dubbed it “democracy applied to love,”  culminating in  today’s  swingers and  what  some  call  open marriage (c. 1970s).

So too with the word adult. We label more and  more of our contemporary activities adult, though they  have  become increasing puerile. It’s enough to  drive  one  to  an  adult-entertainment zone for some  adult reading matter.

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Most people are familiar only with fuck’s violent side; few appreciate its complex character. Fuck is nature’s all-purpose word, able to express every mood and capture the tenor of every occasion.


The only thing it isn’t is simple, as with this fuckin’ business.

Given the proper inflection, the word can express an entire range of sentiments:

Confusion: What the fuck?
Despair and dismay: Fucked again, or truly fucked.
Liberation: What the fuck!
Helplessness: Fucked by the fickle finger of fate.
Concern: Doesn’t anyone give a fuck?
Surprise, dismissal, or Oneself—Fuck me!
rejection, with the help Inanimate object—Fuck it!
of various objects: Helpless creature—Fuck a duck!
Futility: What the fuck? or Who gives a fuck anyway?
Absence of meaningful Fucking around
action: or Fucking off.

Though it is anatomically imfuckingpossible, people constantly encourage others to go fuck themselves. They criticize books such as this as unfuckingbelieveable, irrefuckingsponsible, outfuckingrageous and unfuckingrespectable — though the author is just fucking with their minds. Knowing not what else to do, they offer to end the confusion by simply getting the fuck out of here.

Read more – Bawdy Language book

When we summarily dismissed fuck from our working vocabulary, we added more than 1,500 expressions to take its place. Eric Partridge, the noted lexicographer, remarked as to how the large number of phrases “bear witness to the fertility of the English language and to the enthusiastic English participation in the universal fascination of the creative act.” Other critics saw the dismissal as a form of cowardice and hypocrisy.


Many of the substitute terms are vivid and expressive, oft-times ingenious. But none has proved more popular and inoffensive than doing it. For years everyone was doing it, doing it, doing it, and everyone knew exactly what it meant. Occasionally there was a screw-up, and somebody mistakenly took out the garbage, but for the most part, it came off as intended.

In 1934 the censors declared doing it “too suggestive” and banned it, doing, and doing it from the airwaves. This low blow deprived Rudy Vallee of the right to sing his greatest stage and radio hits, including “Let’s Do It,” “Do It Again,” and “You Do Something to Me.” Today, America is again doing it, with gusto. Of all the expressions we have for the act, the inarticulate favor doing it over all the others. Joan Rivers assured women everywhere that there’s really nothing to it, “Just close your eyes, lie back, and pretend you’re having an operation.”

It couldn’t be easier.

Does anyone know any other words for sex?

Um… one phrase I coined is “doing laundry.” People have gotten pretty creative with it. =)

-knock boots
-get busy
-horizontal dance
-“shag” haha

Oh, my…….

i’m repeating some, I know, but just to get warmed up:

– making love
– cuddling naked
– swapping juices
– getting down with (person’s name)
– going down
– getting lucky
– getting laid
– riding the boloney pony [someone else’s…adding it so i’ll remember it 😉 ]
– doing the nasty
– loving the nasty bits
– enduring (depending, of course, on partner)
– tingling (ditto above)

Some more
– making the beast with two backs
– horizontal tango
– dipping your nip in company ink (if your ‘seeing’ a work mate)
– humping
– boinking
– shagging
– poke
– shnu shnu (as in death by)
– swapping juices
– hiding the sausage
– chasing beaver
– getting jiggy wid it
– consentual rape (aka a unexpected quickie)
– slipping one in
– happy wake up call

Get it on fly:

– bumping uglies
– knocking boots
– getting it on
– getting your freak on
– doing the nasty
– making love
– fornication
– party in your pants
– getting your **** on
– pitching my tent near your waterfall
– riding the bologna pony
– moms making a pubey salad and she wants some of seths own dessert(lol)
– banging
– humping
– sexing


Cocoa Butter answered 4 years ago
– doing the nasty
– doing it
– getting busy
– horizontal boogie?
– humping
– screwing
– makeing love
– jump bones

Not so classical:
– Knockin boots
– Bump n grind
– Nookey
– Slappin skinz
– Boning
– Gettin Laid
– Smashing

Want more – errr sorry I’m having a brain fart right now!!! Two more and that’s all – I’m cooked
– Getting nobbed.
– Boned.

opps… more … I forgot my favorite oens:
– humping like rabbits
– getting your dinky stinkied
– hot beef injection
– forrarring for cherries

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