Bawdy Language

A sexual reference book like no other
Everything you always wanted to do but were afraid to say



Dr. Bawdy's counseling is wholly provided for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for qualified medical advice from a licensed healthcare professional. If you're dumb enough to take it, you'll just have to suffer the consequences.

Side effects may include bloated retina, collapsed vagina, anal rash, nasal drip, and double vision. Contact an emergency room psychologist for an erection lasting longer than 20 seconds.

Any further questions regarding individual circumstances should be directed towards your general practitioner/pharmacist/veterinarian. As to any contemplated legal action, tell your lawyer that Dr. Bawdy says he should simply "Fuck off!"

Posts for Sexual Research: Compiled by Dr. Bawdy


FROM THE DESK OF DR. CELESTIAL BAWDY

DFA, PHC, BO, LSMFT
dr. bawdy
THE LATEST
AND MOST SHOCKING
REVELATIONS ABOUT HUMAN SEXUAL BEHAVIOR
From the desk of Dr. Bawdy and the website that's the last word on sex: www.bawdylanguage.com

sex-shocking-facts-11

Source: The Journal of Articulation, April 22, 2012, pp 64-69. “Yodeling in the Gulley: Unanticipated Benefits,” Study Subjects: 25 Congressional Orators, 25 Hip-Hop Singers, 25 Yentas, 25 ladies singing…and a partridge in a pear tree.

Research Materials and Measurements: Articulation Index, Conversation Quotient, Chatter algorithm, Sneed’s Tongue length and flexibility index.

Statistically Significant Findings: Those who engage in oral sex 10 or more times weekly show an increases in vocal timber (Able to go two octaves above what they previously could; a 75% increase in their use of complete sentences ( both a subject and verb); a reduction in grammatical errors by 38%. Friendships increased by 22%

From the desk of Dr. Bawdy and the website that's the last word on sex: www.bawdylanguage.com

sex-shocking-facts-9

Source: The 7-Eleven Chronicle, July 17, 2012, pp 324-367, “Drink to me only,” Principal Investigator: Dr. Apu Nahasapemapedela, Springfield University.

Study Subjects: middle-aged workers from Springfield Nuclear Power Plant and teenagers from various and sundry hangouts around town. Study site: Kwik-E-Mart.

Study materials: 75 Gallons of Slurpees, assorted flavors, 100 dozen 64 ounce containers. Study tools: slurpee count-meter, internet porn, yardstick from Ace Hardware, and sordid backroom.

Statistically Significant Results: Penis size increased 1mm for every 525 64 oz containers drunk. Note: No variation in size based on flavor.

XTRA: See average international penis size and IQ correlation

From the desk of Dr. Bawdy and the website that's the last word on sex: www.bawdylanguage.com

sex-shocking-facts-8

Source: The Journal of Delay and Obfuscation, August 25, 2012, pp 234-247. “Coming and Going,” Dr. Johannes Sturm and Dr. Sigmund Drang, University of Frankfurt mit Relish.

Study subjects: 25 wranglers fast on the draw and 25 office workers with a reputation for delay, all matched with each other’s wives and girl friends. Women supplied with stop watch and cum-meter.

All events taped and evaluated by independent third party from Price Waterhouse.

Statistically Significant Results: Desultory and delaying at work, faster active in bed; slower and more deliberative in bed, faster on task completion on the job.

From the desk of Dr. Bawdy and the website that's the last word on sex: www.bawdylanguage.com

sex-shocking-facts-7

Source: Street-Walkers Monthly, May 18, 2012, pp 69-69. “The Price is Right.” “Dr. Lucy Poontang, Perverse U, July28, 2012, Study subjects: 25 ladies of the night, 25 congressmen.

Measurements: Cum quotient, salivary gland secretions, incidence and frequency of ear-ringing.

Statistically significant result: For every ten dollars spent, men’s sexual pleasure increased one kumquat (The Journal of Statistics standard for measurement of pleasure)

From the desk of Dr. Bawdy and the website that's the last word on sex: www.bawdylanguage.com

sex-shocking-facts-6

Source: The Women’s Sartorial Guide to Sex, June 21, 2012, pp21-25, “A Real Bust?” Dr. Erin Bazooms, Zaftig U.

Study Subjects: 25 pole dancers and young starlets, 25 middle aged men.

Research tools and measurements: journals, sexual partners’ evaluations, ruler measurements of penile length and depth of penetration, baking thermometers, moistness quotient of vaginal area gauged by dew-meters.

From the desk of Dr. Bawdy and the website that's the last word on sex: www.bawdylanguage.com

sex-shocking-facts-5

Source: The Chronicle of Higher Math and Lower Sex, “Here’s Looking at You Kid,” May 22, 2012, pp 327-341. Principal Investigator: Dr. Samuel X. Rhombus, Tumescent State U. Study subjects: 1,000,267 men under surveillance at 527,600 random locations.

Measurements: the Schwanz psychometric spatial reasoning and Schlong mathematical reasoning tests. Significant Results: Men afterwards were able to multiply as high as 32C. Additional Note: Single-blind only. Researchers were unable to find men who did not stare at women’s breasts.

From the desk of Dr. Bawdy and the website that's the last word on sex: www.bawdylanguage.com

sex-shocking-facts-4

Source: Podiatria: The Journal of Foot Fetishism, “Toeing the line vs. the Meanest Cut,” Aug.1, 2012, pp 49-59, Dr. Sterling Arches, Scholl College. Study Subjects: 45 men with pigeon-toes, 45 with chicken-toes.

Research tools: Observation and evaluation by trained mohels from the Jewish Orthodox and Muslim communities—two independent observations per penis, utilizing a blinding peephole.

From the desk of Dr. Bawdy and the website that's the last word on sex: www.bawdylanguage.com

sex-shocking-fact-2

Source: The International Quarterly of Sexual Cosmetology, “Cold Cuts,” May 31, 2012, pp 12-19, Dr. Renee Merkin and Dr. Rene Merkin, University of Je Ne Sais Quoi. Study Subjects: 25 shaven women, 25 fur bearers. Research tools and measurements: thermometer readings, journals, volunteer barbers, and sexual partners’ evaluations.

From the desk of Dr. Bawdy and the website that's the last word on sex: www.bawdylanguage.com

sex-shocking-facts-1

Source: The Journal of Nasal Congestion, July 21, 2012, pp 112-127, “The Nose Knows,” Dr. Heinrich Putz, University of Schvitzgarten. Study Subjects: fifty inveterate nose-pickers, fifty Kleenex aficionados. Research tools and measurement: journals, pornography, incidence, number of boogers and pages stuck together.

From the desk of Dr. Bawdy and the website that's the last word on sex: www.bawdylanguage.com