A Rhode Island woman is facing charges for allegedly training her pet cockatoo to say curse words at her ex-husband and his girlfriend who live next door.
Lynne Taylor is set to appear in Warwick Municipal Court next week to defend herself against allegations that she violated a city animal noise ordinance by training the bird, Willy, to swear at her neighbors, Kathleen Melker and Craig Fontaine, according to the Boston Herald.
Melker argues that she is continuously called a “Fuckin’ whore” by the bird for up to 16 hours a day. She said the bird’s foul language has forced her and her lover to put their $332,000 home up for sale. We’re done,” Melker said. “We have no quality of life.”
The situation can only be described as “for the birds.” The cockatoo was only doing what birds have always done: engaging in — fowl language. Birds and cursing have always gone together, beginning with the Greco-Roman tradition of putting wings on the image of the phallus. — which also gave us the bird in 19th century England as a synonym for the penis. In Italian, “uccello” continues to have that same meaning.
Variations of flying penises can stil be found everywhere, especially on the crowded highways and byways of America where drivers regularly flip the bird to each other raising their middle finger in tribute to their driving ability.
Surpassing the cockatoo’s abilities is the (Southern or Wood) pecker, best known for its repeated rhythmic thrusts. Any surprise that it has achieved a fair amount of popular usage as a prick?
President Lyndon Johnson had a special fondness for the bird, his credo being “I never trust a man unless I got his pecker in my pocket.” Having possession of something that important and personal could only assure the man’s compliance. Certainly he could not stray very far under such circumstances.
Digressing back to the matter at hand, we are left to wonder in the case of the nattering cockatoo who has whose pecker in his pocket and who’s the real peckerhead here. Could it be the media which has covered the case as extensively as Watergate?
Time perhaps to take wing.
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