Bawdy Language

A sexual reference book like no other
Everything you always wanted to do but were afraid to say

Dr. Bawdy's counseling is wholly provided for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for qualified medical advice from a licensed healthcare professional. If you're dumb enough to take it, you'll just have to suffer the consequences.

Side effects may include bloated retina, collapsed vagina, anal rash, nasal drip, and double vision. Contact an emergency room psychologist for an erection lasting longer than 20 seconds.

Any further questions regarding individual circumstances should be directed towards your general practitioner/pharmacist/veterinarian. As to any contemplated legal action, tell your lawyer that Dr. Bawdy says he should simply "Fuck off!"

Dear Dr. Bawdy,

My husband and I are severe Republicans who simply adore Mitt Romney. We are looking to find ways to express our support for him sexually. Do you have any suggestions?

— Yes We Can, Leavenworth, Kansas

doctor Bawdy advicedoctor Bawdy advice

Dear Yes We Can,

I love your positive attitude. It’s the mind-set that has made America special. Obama may have his auto bailout. But Republicans have auto-eroticism. And its centerpiece is the woman. This is after all, the year of the woman for the party.

Let the partying begin! Start the proceeding with a little foreplay doggy style. Then have your husband tie you securely to the top of the car, hop back in and proceed to floor it, hitting high speeds until you have achieved orgasm. Indicate same with a high piercing scream, hopefully heard above the din of the traffic.

After-play is important. He should lower you down from the roof and hose you down. Affectionate petting is also recommended. He should reward any cooing with a 64 oz. slurpy of your choice at the nearest Seven Eleven.

One caveat: Do not attempt this with lesser brands of vehicles. Lexus suggested, Cadillac Escalade is acceptable in a pinch. No hybrids, electric cars or other gimmicks.

Looking for more sound advice? Dr. Write Dr. Bawdy with your problems. Bawdy is the world's foremost authority on sex—says he.

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