Bawdy Language

A sexual reference book like no other
Everything you always wanted to do but were afraid to say



Dr. Bawdy's counseling is wholly provided for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for qualified medical advice from a licensed healthcare professional. If you're dumb enough to take it, you'll just have to suffer the consequences.

Side effects may include bloated retina, collapsed vagina, anal rash, nasal drip, and double vision. Contact an emergency room psychologist for an erection lasting longer than 20 seconds.

Any further questions regarding individual circumstances should be directed towards your general practitioner/pharmacist/veterinarian. As to any contemplated legal action, tell your lawyer that Dr. Bawdy says he should simply "Fuck off!"

Settling into Marriage

Sex be hanged, they joined in holy matrimony; for what good reason? God only knows.

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And so, like all normal couples, they settled into the routine of a day to day relationship. He took out the garbage; drove the kids to soccer practice. And like all couples, they argued over small things. He squeezed the toothpaste out the wrong (insisting all the time, he had the capabilities to return it to the tube), and pulled the blanket away from her at night.

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He shopped for her and the kids, but had this thing about bread, always bringing home enough to feed the entire village. He loved her cooking, especially her meatloaf. But of all the meals, it was breakfast he loved most.

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Certain of his habits particularly riled her. How was it she wondered that he could raise others from the dead, but could never lower the toilet seat. He, in turn, was annoyed when she took her work home with her.

As with most married couples, over time, sex became a mundane and infrequently practiced procedure. They had sex on the Sabbath and every Passover (That night being different than all others), after which she said, “Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” Passover however came only once a year. Jesus, regretably, had other fish to fry.

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As a good family man and father, Jesus loved children—not only his own but his neighbors as well. He frequently said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them.” Many considered it rather strange that a thirty-something long-haired dude had such a thing about kids. But that’s Jesus for you. Whatta guy!

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It was on this rock, he would build his church. And it would be this same love of children which would help establish a long and cherished history of pederasty within the Catholic Church.

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From the desk of Dr. Bawdy and the website that's the last word on sex: www.bawdylanguage.com

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