Bawdy Language

A sexual reference book like no other
Everything you always wanted to do but were afraid to say



Dr. Bawdy's counseling is wholly provided for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for qualified medical advice from a licensed healthcare professional. If you're dumb enough to take it, you'll just have to suffer the consequences.

Side effects may include bloated retina, collapsed vagina, anal rash, nasal drip, and double vision. Contact an emergency room psychologist for an erection lasting longer than 20 seconds.

Any further questions regarding individual circumstances should be directed towards your general practitioner/pharmacist/veterinarian. As to any contemplated legal action, tell your lawyer that Dr. Bawdy says he should simply "Fuck off!"

Going Steady

Their courtship was short but sweet. We have accounts of Jesus kissing Mary—which didn’t sit to well with Jesus’ buddies who were jealous of the attention paid her. A few, however, stood by his choice. The second-century gospel of St Mary quotes a disciple called Levi having told Peter: “If the Savior made her worthy, who are you to reject her? Certainly the Savior knows her very well. That is why he loved her more than us.” Hey, a guy’s gotta do , what a guy’s gotta do.

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As to accusations of having fornicated with Mary M, Jesus initially denied them vigorously “I did not have sex with that woman!” he proclaimed indignantly. He did, after all, have a public image to uphold. Thanks to his legal team, he also had a great definition of “sex.”

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Eventually though, push came to shove, and Jesus succumbed to Mary M’s blandishments. It wasn’t easy however. Jesus was, shall we say, somewhat “confused” about what was happening. If the truth be known, Jesus was not totally at home with his sexuality. That’s perfectly understandable, given his parentage. Everything he knew about sex he had picked up from his foster father, Joseph. And that, alas, wasn’t much.

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When Jesus pressed Joseph for the details of his own birth, the best he could get was a mumbled and somewhat cryptic “Heaven only knows.”

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Though he and Mary M finally succeeded at carnal relations, he was pretty clumsy at it and over time grew frustrated holding himself to blame as when he spilled his seed on the ground, taking himself to task afterwards and screaming to the heavens, “What should Jesus do?” Mary could only wonder would he ever?

From the desk of Dr. Bawdy and the website that's the last word on sex: www.bawdylanguage.com

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