Bawdy Language

A sexual reference book like no other
Everything you always wanted to do but were afraid to say

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Advice to the Newly Pubescent Male – Part 1

Housebreaking your penis

Housebreaking your penis is not the easiest thing in the world. It takes time, patience, and perseverance. It’s not something that happens overnight. Remember, your penis doesn’t have much self-control, penises vary in volatility. No matter how diligent you are, accidents will happen.

advice from Dr. Bawdy
  • Create a setting for your penis in which he feels safe and comfortable and in which you can properly supervise him. His regular habitat should be a proper nestling place, such as warm briefs or boxer shorts, unsoiled and in which he can feel relaxed and uninhibited, hang about and just be himself.
  • Provide him with ample opportunity for play. How would you feel confined in a constricted dark space for most of your waking hours, shut off from fresh, cool air and the light of day? Be sure and give him plenty of exercise. A run in the park with other penises is a good start in helping to keep him happy and stimulated.
  • Designate a specific spot and a time for one-on-one penis play. This spot should be private and free of distractions. He most appreciates your full and undivided attention during this special time between you two. Make sure to provide your penis with some appealing playthings and stimulating activities to help hold his interest. Joint visualization can do wonders for your relationship and enhance the bonding process.
advice from Dr. Bawdy
  • Be fully prepared for these private tete a tetes. Must-have items include several boxes of kleenex, extra pairs of socks, a fresh bed sheet, screen-clean a soft cloth for your monitor, a glove for your mouse, and plastic sheeting for your keyboard. He does have a tendency to get a bit rambunctious and out of hand during these times. It is important that you contain his exuberance; hence the supplies
  • Early interactive socialization of your penis with people is important. He is new to people and their prompts. Learn to give him a “hurry up” command, especially when you hear a knock on the door and the query, “What are you doing in there?” Eventually, your penis will become conditioned to retreat when hearing this phrase.
  • What to do if he has an accident? Talk firmly but gently with him. He feels as bad about it as you do. He doesn’t handle guilt very well. Show some understanding. It’s your responsibility for not having properly supervised him.
  • Practice Behavior modification. When your penis behaves properly and acts in a restrained and orderly fashion, reward him with a gentle pat or two and a “Good penis!” said as if you truly mean it. Praise him warmly and enthusiastically. Conversely, scold him in a firm but non-retributive manner when he slips up, “Bad Penis!” It may take an occasional whack across the snout to get his full attention, but he’ll soon get the message.

The general rule of penisdom is patience at all times.. He simply doesn’t know any better. Your job is to help show him the way, to introduce him to the ways of the world and whatever else he needs to become happy, well balanced, and social. You are the boss of him, and not the other way around.

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