Bawdy Language

A sexual reference book like no other
Everything you always wanted to do but were afraid to say

Dr. Bawdy's counseling is wholly provided for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for qualified medical advice from a licensed healthcare professional. If you're dumb enough to take it, you'll just have to suffer the consequences.

Side effects may include bloated retina, collapsed vagina, anal rash, nasal drip, and double vision. Contact an emergency room psychologist for an erection lasting longer than 20 seconds.

Any further questions regarding individual circumstances should be directed towards your general practitioner/pharmacist/veterinarian. As to any contemplated legal action, tell your lawyer that Dr. Bawdy says he should simply "Fuck off!"


A Biblical Fable

I’ll tell you a little story,
Just a story I have heard;
And you’ll swear it’s all a fable
But it’s gospel, every word.
When the Lord made father Adam,
They said He laughed and sang;
And sewed him up the belly
With a little piece of whang.
But when the Lord was finished
He found He’s measured wrong;
For when the whang was knotted
‘Twas several inches long.
Said He, “’Tis but eight inches
So I guess I’ll let it hang.”
So He left on Adam’s belly
That little piece of whang.
But when the Lord made mother Eve
I imagine He did snort,
When He found the whang He sewed her with
Was several inches short.
“Twill leave an awful gap,” said He,
“But I should give a damn,
She can fight it out with Adam
For that little piece of whang.”
So ever since that day
When human life began,
There’s been a constant struggle
‘Twixt the woman and the man.

—Anon., “Whang,” 20thC






Let’s play! Welcome to Toys ‘R Us (X-rated version) — they’re for you and me and everyone else as well — kids of all ages (18 and up). In the last few decades, they’ve gone from taboo to commonplace.

Everyone’s pushing them (pushing is m-m-m- good!): Celebrities, media and books (Fifty Shades, anyone), helping make them as acceptable and even positive forms of sexual accomplices.


Courtesy of Adam and Eve

The cool thing about sex toys is that they are toys. No need to take them seriously. And they’re safe too. When was the last time you heard of anyone getting pregnant by one?

Read more from Dr. Bawdy’s likes


It’s a cavern of joy you are thinking of now

A warm, tender field just awaiting the plow.

It’s a quivering pigeon caressing your hand

Or that sweet little pussy that makes a man stand

Or perhaps it’s a flower, a grotto, a well,

The hope of the world, or a velvety hell.

But friend, heed this warning, beware the affront

Of aping a Saxon: don’t call it a cunt.

—“Ode to Those Four-Letter Words”

Enjoy new Bawdy Crossword every Monday.

bawdy crossword



Looks can be deceiving. Though the cock appears jaunty and confident, he’s anything but cocksure. He may think of himself as a strictly all-male bird, but a close look at his history shows quite the contrary. Not only does this most masculine of birds have a feminine side to him, but, according to the lexicographer of black English J. Dillard, he once denoted exclusively the female organ in the black community of the Southern United States and the Caribbean.

This usage originated in nineteenth-century England where women oft times used cock as a verb in a passive sense, as to want cocking or to get cocked. From there, it was a natural transition to refer to the female pudendum as a cock. The male cock’s stature has further been diminished by invidious comparisons with other birds, treating its appearance and character with even less respect.

“Esther, have you ever seen a man?”…

“No,” I said. “Only statues.”…

I stared at Buddy while he unzipped his chino pants…

He just stood there in front of me and I kept staring at him.

The only thing I could think of was

turkey neck  and turkey gizzards,

and I felt very depressed.

—Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar, 1963

Enjoy new Bawdy Crossword every Monday.

bawdy crossword



Man  has  always  been  of two minds  in dealing  with  his  prick.  It’s been  both  an  object  of great  pride  and  of great  shame. In ancient times  it was  treated with  reverence, worshipped as  the  source  of fecundity and  perceived to be the  power  behind motherhood, fertility, food and  the  seasonal cycles.  In Egypt and  Greece  symbolic representations of it, huge  phalluses (late  18th–20thC From  the Greek  for prick),  were  carried  about in  solemn religious  processions.  In  Rome,  images  of pricks  could  be  found  everywhere. There  were  pricks  at the  doors  of shops, pricks  at the  city gates, and  pricks  attached to the chariots of famous generals. Even drinking  glasses  and  goblets  were cast in their shape.

Enjoy new Bawdy Crossword every Monday.

bawdy crossword



There was a young lady named Glass
Who had the most beautiful ass — Not round and pink
As you might think
It was gray and had ears and ate grass.
—Anon., 19thC