During an appearance at NYU’s Journalism School, Jill Abramson, executive editor of The New York Times discussed a variety of topics. She noted that despite words like “f*ck” now being published in places like The New Yorker, we can all forget about finding them in the Times. “The New York Times isn’t going to start publishing swear words anytime soon.”
If a swear word is going to be used and is actually consequential to the actual news in the story, which in some cases it is, she noted, then exceptions can be made. But “it’s an elegant presentation of the news, and that’s still important to me, to keep it elegant.”
Elegant it was in describing the Times coverage of the lead-up to and justification for the Iraq War; though “obscene” night better describe it. The Times like other papers carries graphic and detailed descriptions of violence, but “Fuck” or “shit” apparently are more offensive and less elegant, making them off limits.
Ditto on the business end. As an example of its fucked up thinking, see an ad rejected by the Times..
Read the brilliant analysis on “Does the NY Time have an F Word Problem? By Mary Elizabeth Williams for a broader view of the topic.
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What with the sudden resignation of Pope Benedict XVI, the Catholic Church yesterday began an active search for his successor. Always sensitive to the crying needs of mankind, Dr. Bawdy yesterday threw his hat – or was it a mitre—into the ring.
“They’re obviously looking for a fresh new face—and someone with progressive ideas,” said Bawdy as he arrived at the Vatican to be greeted by an onslaught of reporters and thousands of fans, screaming “Papa!” Papa!”
Reporter Gussepe Benedicto of the official Vatican newspaper, L’Ossevatore Romano, was granted a private interview with Bawdy during which he fanned the flames of speculation further, indicating, “Si, I am interested in the post. I am young and fit and at 150 years of age, anxious and ready to assume the position, offering a new lodestar for mankind to follow.”
Officialdom of the Holy See met in a series of secret conclaves yesterday discussing his candidacy. “This would give the Papacy a standing in the world which it has never had before. The young, the progressive would flock to his leadership,” noted Cardinal Benito Pinocchio, head of the College of Cardinals.
The Official Vatican website: http://www.vatican.va/phome_fr.htm crashed under the sheer weight of the traffic as thousands the world round joined the call in support of Bawdy.
Bawdy’s Platform: “Unprecedented,” say its supporters. “ It would drag the Church screaming and yelling (while also cheering and smiling) into the 22nd century”:
- Nuns in mini-skirts
- Masturbation, a holy rite
- Co-Ed dormitories for Nuns and Seminarians
- Vatican Contraceptive Industry
- Sex Toys which symbolize the very best in Christendom, including vibrating crucifixes
- A tri-sexual Jesus, who goes every which way
- A farm system, not unlike that of major league baseball in which would be bred anxious young altar boys properly trained to perfection to meet the needs of horny older priests, guaranteeing an on-going fresh supply of talents to meet salacious appetites worldwide
- Free Circumcision with each baptism
- Five years supply of Viagra, free with every conversion
- Islam and Judaism welcomed as branches of the new ecumenical Bawdyism.
Stay tuned as the world sits perched at the edge of its pew actively contemplating this revolutionary move. Watch the night sky for smoke, validating the decision.
Pax Vobiscu…Motherfuckers
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As you know, the steamiest, sexiest, and most provocative scenes in our movies all end up on the editorial floor. And guess who just happens to be there to pick up this salacious material and to reveal its contents to the public.
The intrepid Dr. Bawdy, ever the sleuth and erstwhile public servant, today revealed the outtakes from the best picture nominations for the Academy Awards. In a first—a scoop that beat all the major media and other independent bloggers, Bawdy revealed what all America will be missing at both their theaters and the Award ceremony.
Amour: Sex amidst the clutter of walkers, dentures, and empty boxes of laxatives—passion as old as the hills rising as slowly as a centenarian’s you know what, flowing as freely as a constricted urinary tract. If you’ll pardon their French, beneath the rubble, you’ll find French kisses, French ticklers, and French fries, as well as boblos (large, fat drooping boobs),
Argo: Excised scenes of Iranian officials cursing in Farsi, likening the American escape to forced anal sex (for those unfamiliar with the practice, that’s taking it up the ass).
Django Unchained: Infamous basterds doing it on the run, featuring B&D with lots of chains and whips, all in living color, i.e. black and white.
Les Miserables: “How revolting can it get?” Les Miz, uncut, pushes the envelope of restraint to the point of tearing it wide open. In their passionate commitment to authenticity, the film foregoes simulation for the real thing. Bulemics going down for a piece of bread, creative use of candlesticks, and orgasms at the guillotine,
Beasts of the Southern Wild: Sex in the bathtub. The penultimate blow job, inspired by—what else—the hurricane—filled with gangs of swingers black and white engaged in a wild orgy featuring wile and erotic play using the amazingly versatile crayfish deployed in strange places, doing even stranger things.
Life of Pi: Pussy writ large. The ups and downs of bestiality
Silver Linings Playbook: The sexual virtuosity of bipolarity. If you can believe the film, it’s at least, twice as good as normal.
Zero Dark Thirty: The joys of sexual climax while being water-boarded. You’ll be talking about it for years (no matter how much the CIA denies it).
Lincoln: Candid footage of Abe and Mary Todd, forming a more perfect union. Abe performing oral sex with his stove pipe hat on; Mary assuming the superior position atop our revered president; Abe shouting, “I am your slave,” while reciting the Gettysburg Address silently so as to maintain his restraint; finally screaming, “Emancipation!” Mary screaming, “Free at last. And if we hurry, it’s still not too late to make it to the theater.”
The Winner of the Bawdy Golden Penis Award (Drum Roll please) is…
Lincoln.
Long and Sustained applause.
Eat your heart out Doris Kearns Goodwin.
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