Bawdy Language

A sexual reference book like no other
Everything you always wanted to do but were afraid to say



Dr. Bawdy's counseling is wholly provided for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for qualified medical advice from a licensed healthcare professional. If you're dumb enough to take it, you'll just have to suffer the consequences.

Side effects may include bloated retina, collapsed vagina, anal rash, nasal drip, and double vision. Contact an emergency room psychologist for an erection lasting longer than 20 seconds.

Any further questions regarding individual circumstances should be directed towards your general practitioner/pharmacist/veterinarian. As to any contemplated legal action, tell your lawyer that Dr. Bawdy says he should simply "Fuck off!"



muslim preacher by doctor bawdy

It may be too late for those of you who have already sinned, but thanks to Al Arabiya, you have been put on warning for next year.

An Egyptian Salafi preacher said those celebrating Valentine’s Day or selling items related to the event are “committing a sin and will burn in hell”.

In an online video posted Wednesday, Ahmad Mahmoud Abdullah, known as “Abu Islam” and owner of the private television channel of “al-Ummah,”referred to February 14 as ‘adultery day’
“February 14th,we celebrate “adultery” day. The Christian church will surely celebrate this day but I urge all Muslims and those who fear God, not to use anything tinted in red. Even al-Ahli team will not wear its red jersey” he said referring to the Egyptian national football team.

Abu Islam added that women going out to celebrate this day are considered ‘adultery and prostitution’.

“We [Muslims] do not have fornicators, we do not commit sins. Valentine’s Day represents for the Christians, a celebration for adultery and prostitution, and those who go out on this day are prostitutes. Each prostitute would choose a guy with whom she will spend her day and night” he said.

Abu Islam then further decided to ban all Muslim females in the Arab world from enjoying this day and indulging in what the celebrations has to offer.

“That was only the beginning, because they celebrate each and every saint’s day. They spend their life in celebration and “promiscuity”. What does love mean for them? Adultery, prostitution and obscenity” the preacher added.

The preacher has previously been accused of the defamation of religion. The Public Prosecution has received several notifications accusing him of defaming Christianity through statements he had made to the “Tahrir” newspaper.

He and his son also previously tore and burnt a bible in front of the U.S. Embassy in Egypt during last year’s protest against a U.S.-made film mocking Islam’s founder.

Washington refused to comment formally on his declaration, noting only a cryptic, “ Drone on on…drone on.”

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Comedian, Robert Klein is a long time fan and supporter of Bawdy Language. Some even suspect him of being Dr. Bawdy. We like to thank him for his support, and call everyone’s attention to his advice to President Obama: “Keep it in your pants.”

It’s classic Bawdy.


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Problems with sex and language? Write Dr. Bawdy with your problems. He stands ready to be of service to you. In fact, he lives for it.

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Dear Dr. Bawdy,
My wife and I haven’t done the deed in years. Memories of sex are beginning to fade fast. Not knowing what else to do, I asked my son to take me to a prostitute. He's agreed and I'm ready and rarin' to go.

Unfortunately, I don't know how to speak prostitute-ise. I feel like a visitor to a foreign country. Could you provide me with a few key phrases and tips for how I should express myself?

— Hung Up, Edina, MN

doctor Bawdy advicedoctor Bawdy advice

Dear Hung-Up,

The language is quite basic. You have simply to master the following:

"Leave it on top of the dresser."

"We take Visa, MC and Amex."

"Prices are subject to change without notice."

"We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone."

"You show me yours… "

"What’ll you have?"

"Do not try this at home."

And "That’ll be extra."

A proper response to any of the above should consist of no more than a simple snort or grunt of approval.

Do not ask, "How’s tricks?"

If she should inquire as to "Paper or plastic?" chances are, you are in the wrong place.

Looking for more sound advice? Write Dr. Bawdy with your problems. Bawdy is the world's foremost authority on sex—says he.


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