Bawdy Language

A sexual reference book like no other
Everything you always wanted to do but were afraid to say

Dr. Bawdy's counseling is wholly provided for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for qualified medical advice from a licensed healthcare professional. If you're dumb enough to take it, you'll just have to suffer the consequences.

Side effects may include bloated retina, collapsed vagina, anal rash, nasal drip, and double vision. Contact an emergency room psychologist for an erection lasting longer than 20 seconds.

Any further questions regarding individual circumstances should be directed towards your general practitioner/pharmacist/veterinarian. As to any contemplated legal action, tell your lawyer that Dr. Bawdy says he should simply "Fuck off!"

Dear Dr. Bawdy,
I love it when my husband plays with my clit — especially when he can find it. But last week, he suddenly stopped doing it. When I asked him why, he said that he was a follower of your dictum, "If you can’t say it, you can't do it." …And darned, if he can’t find the words to describe what he's doing. When I asked him why that was, he simply grinned and said, "I just can't put my finger on it." Is that some kind of joke or something?

— Strokeless, Missoula, MT

ask doctor Bawdyask doctor Bawdy

Dear Strokeless,
Humor is in the eye of the beholder, and, in this case, it's tucked away deep in the creases of his mind. Being the last word on the subject, it is incumbent on me to come up with something, so let me propose "Tickle me Elmo." Or "Touch and Glow."

If these phrases don't suit his fancy, and yours too, I suggest taking up a different recreational activity, perhaps anal sex where the object under consideration is more easily visible and accessible, and hence more easily named.

Looking for more sound advice? Dr. Write Dr. Bawdy with your problems. Bawdy is the world's foremost authority on sex—says he.

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