Bawdy Language

A sexual reference book like no other
Everything you always wanted to do but were afraid to say

Dr. Bawdy's counseling is wholly provided for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for qualified medical advice from a licensed healthcare professional. If you're dumb enough to take it, you'll just have to suffer the consequences.

Side effects may include bloated retina, collapsed vagina, anal rash, nasal drip, and double vision. Contact an emergency room psychologist for an erection lasting longer than 20 seconds.

Any further questions regarding individual circumstances should be directed towards your general practitioner/pharmacist/veterinarian. As to any contemplated legal action, tell your lawyer that Dr. Bawdy says he should simply "Fuck off!"

Contrary to popular conception, there’s nothing new fangled about them. They’re as old as the hills, which is plenty fuckin’ old!


Dildos go back to Ancient times and women have been having good vibrations ever since the 19th century when they were introduced as a cure for hysteria. Doctors then loved administering a hands-on treatment which left their female patients exiting their office thoroughly a-tingle. Goodbye, hysteria. Hello big O!


And what of the other playthings in our play chest— penis pumps, cock rings, straps-ons and the like? Certainly these are products of our sex-saturated contemporary brains. Wrong.

They too have a distinguished past. Many of our beloved modern sex toys have actually been around for eons, pleasuring humanity for over two thousand years. Check out some of these sex toys and their long, sordid history. A great big hand – and why not?—that’s often all it took. for our kinky ancestors and the perverts of the past. Hats off to them for their twisted ingenuity.

Cock-a-doodle do:


“Why don’t you give me a ring sometime?” It’s an expression that could well have been first spoken in Ancient China. They weren’t, however, talking about phones then. The ring they, mostly the Chinese women, had in mind was a cock ring.

Never one to appear soft on his enemies or his lovers, the Chinese man of the Jin Dynasty opted to wrap his willy tight, giving him a harder and longer lasting erection. And what did they use to make it happen — but goat’s eyelids and eye lashes.. After acquiring the eyeball covering, they would take the skin and wrap it tightly around the base of the cock, causing the same effect of today’s modern cock ring. Later, the goat’s eyelids would be exchanged for jade and stone. It all makes the silicone, metal and leather options we have now. sound pretty unsexy.

Ben Wa Balls:


You have to have balls to succeed sexually in today’s world. Love balls, geisha balls, vagina balls, orgasm balls whatever, these little balls can be referred to in a plethora of ways, but at the end of the day, their true name is Ben Wa Balls and while they have become increasingly popular due to their “tightening” effects, Ben Wa Balls are actually very old and were originally made with men in mind.

Things first got rolling with Ben Wa Balls in Japan in 500 AD. Men weren’t pleased with their level of pleasure during sex and wanted to get more out of it. As such, they created a metal ball that would be inserted into the vagina during sex. It would then roll around inside as they pumped away. Naturally, the women on the receiving end realized that this was pleasurable for them as well and bam, they went from one ball to two and three balls strong together by silk. Nowadays, you can find Ben Wa Balls in metal, glass, silicone and plastic. They typically come in pairs and are far more angled at women than men.

Penis Enlargers:


It’s late night, you’re skimming your spam filter on your email and there it is, the answer to all of your penile problems. The one magic pill, prop and surgery to give you the throbbing member you’ve been after since you turned 13. The faithful Penis Enlarger. Much like you would think, men have been concerned with their size since they looked down and realize it could get hard. Because of this, a means to getting a larger penis became a top priority and the men of India wasted no time figuring out how to do it.

In 1700 BC, Vatsyayana, a Hindu philosopher, wrote the Kama Sutra, a book of sexual positions and practices that we still use and refer to today. But beyond the positions was the suggestion that men should be concerned with their penis size and the way it pleasures their women. As a result, they should consider wearing a penis extender during intercourse, especially if they have impotence issues or a wife with an extra large vagina (it’s always the woman’s fault). You can also view this invention/suggestion as the original strap on as well.

So there you are—a quick tour through the toy store. Enjoy!

Historically that takes us full circle back to the beginning and Adam and Eve.

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