Bawdy Language

A sexual reference book like no other
Everything you always wanted to do but were afraid to say

Dr. Bawdy's counseling is wholly provided for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for qualified medical advice from a licensed healthcare professional. If you're dumb enough to take it, you'll just have to suffer the consequences.

Side effects may include bloated retina, collapsed vagina, anal rash, nasal drip, and double vision. Contact an emergency room psychologist for an erection lasting longer than 20 seconds.

Any further questions regarding individual circumstances should be directed towards your general practitioner/pharmacist/veterinarian. As to any contemplated legal action, tell your lawyer that Dr. Bawdy says he should simply "Fuck off!"

The New Orleans Times Picayune recently reported that Reverend Grant Storms, an avowed anti-gay activist, had been arrested on "Obscenity of public masturbation.".

Following his arrest, Storms admitted to having watched pornography that day and putting his hands in his pants. "I apologize deeply for my inappropriate, sinful actions," he said tearfully, describing himself as "disoriented and confused."


Confusing actions such as Storms' are hardly isolated occurrences. They are a part of an extended historic struggle on the part of Church to come to grips with masturbation. It is a conflict which reaches back to the days of the friars of Merrie Olde England.

"When the flesh rebels against the spirit, asked a monk of his prior, "What do you do?" "I take my breviary and read it through," he replied. "And I" said a sanctified frater, "jump into cold water." "For my part, “observed a young fellow listening in, "I settle the matter at once without ceremony: I knock the brains out of the evil one."

Clearly, the last approach — the old one-two punch — was the same one favored by Reverend Storms. Alas, it doesn't bode well for his future. After his congregants have learned what has happened, the only thing Storms will be publicly pounding will probably be the pavement.

Dr. C.B.

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