Bawdy Language

What’s the most exciting way to start your day?

Start off each day with a bang! –with a heaping big bowl of Sexcereal – one for you and one for your lover.

Snap, Crackle, and pop— you bet! Breakfast is for lovers! Who else?

Caution! Caution! Caution!

Dr. Bawdy offers the following suggestions:

1. Do not dress for breakfast, the fewer clothes the better. You never know when and how Sexcereal will kick in.
2. Repeat this quote out loud with your partner: “I like sex for breakfast, kid. I eat early and often.” ― Karen Marie Moning
3. Be careful. Do not mix the bowls up. They are clearly labeled “His” and “Hers.” Imagine the horror of her having an erection and him screaming “Jesus Christ!” as he comes.
4. Improvise: Consider a little something extra on the side, such as squeezing his oranges.
5. Beware of bananas!
6. Those little blue things in the cereal are not dried marshmallows.
7. Make sure the children have left for school. Things could get somewhat embarrassing to see their mother and father stretched out across the kitchen table while covered in cereal. It could prove deeply traumatic.
8. Make sure to contact your nearest emergency room for a breakfast lasting more than four hours.
9. Bon aperitif!
10. Note: Dr. and Mrs. Bawdy love sexcereal and have been having it for lunch, supper, and after-dinner snacks. At 150 year of age, Dr. Bawdy says it make him feel like a teenager again.

Directly from the desk of Dr. Bawdy – http://bawdylanguage.com/blog and http://www.sexcereal.com

Happy Sexual Fourth of July!

One nation under God…? Well if the Republican party has its way, they, not God will be the ones to have fucked-up the country.

Plenty of pre-fourth fireworks down in Texas as legislators there discover new self-evident truths in the course of a discussion of proposed anti-abortion legislation, called “The Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act.”

In the midst of said discussion, Rep. Michael Burgess (R-Texas) said Monday that abortion should be banned as early as 15 weeks after conception because he has witnessed male fetuses masturbating at that stage.

“This is a subject that I do know something about,” said Burgess. “There is no question in my mind that a baby at 20 weeks after conception can feel pain. The fact of the matter is, I argue with the chairman because I thought the date was far too late. We should be setting this at 15 weeks, 16 weeks.”

“Watch a sonogram of a 15-week baby, and they have movements that are purposeful,” Burgess continued. “They stroke their face. If they’re a male baby, they may have their hand between their legs. If they feel pleasure, why is it so hard to think that they could feel pain?”

So the next time a pregnant friend invites you to feel her tummy – just watch it! All that movement, well, that could be some pretty private stuff going on down there. And you don’t want to mess with Mr. In-between.

According to the former, OB-GYN, The little bugger’s apparently not just stretching down there; he’s also rising to the occasion. What exactly is he masturbating to? No one knows for sure. Whatever, it is doesn’t really matter. He’s just doing what comes naturally. As every man knows, it’s never too early to take matters into your own hands.

Unfortunately, if the fetus is experiencing pleasure, that makes a good argument for abortion. As every good Republican knows, sex should never be pleasurable. It has but one purpose—procreation, and if that dumb-ass fetus isn’t aware of that—well, he probably should be put out of his misery before he becomes a teen-ager and those bad habits learned in the womb come back to haunt society.

Earlier, state Rep. Jodie Laudenberg, (R) lawmaker, also broke new sexual ground with her revelation that a proposed exemption for rape victims was unnecessary because assaulted women could simply turn to rape kits for abortions. “In the emergency room they have what’s called rape kits, where a woman can get cleaned out,” she explained

Seemingly, Representative Laudenberg had discovered a whole new dimension to rape kits, whose primary function is to collect evidence of sexual assault

Asked about it later in a private interview with Dr. Bawdy, Laudenberg cited numerous scientific studies whose findings proved unequivocally the value of the kit.

“It drives out dirt, stamps out smut; attacks greasy smears, blots on justice, and tough stains. It’s truly a washday miracle!” she exclaimed enthusiastically.

“Don’t leave home without it. Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is. A little dab’ll do you. And away go problems down the drain.”

She concluded with the assertion that it was the patriotic duty of rape victims to use the kit. . “Hooray for the red, white, and blue!” she exclaimed. “Colors look even cleaner and brighter than before.”

Case 1:

I went to a wife-swapping meet recently an got one 45 year old and a 35 year old ( not in good repair) for my 25 year old. How did I do?

Case 2:

I swiped my wife recently for a new motorbike. I have to admit that the motorbike gave me a better ride than my wife but used more oil.

Case 3:

I got a ball of string, a bag of marbles, an old bike, and two jugs of kitty litter for my wife. What about you?

Dr. Bawdy Research:

Wife Swapping is about to become a legitimate activity on the New York Stock Exchange. Why limit your trading to electronics and pork bellies? You’ll want to get in early on this one. Stay Tuned here for the latest developments from Wall St.

It has been reported ( from authoritative sources) that President Obama is soon going to create a new cabinet position: Secretary of Infidelity. Any politicians you’d like to suggest for the position?

Dr. Bawdy is going overseas for Wife-Swapping meetings:

Directly from the desk of Dr. Bawdy – http://bawdylanguage.com/blog

So a couple former Barstool fired smokes/interns dropped by the office today unannounced and uninvited ranting and raving about a new app called Tinder. I’d never heard of it before. Basically it launched in October but really just arrived in Boston last week. In a nutshell it’s like Hot or Not with GPS tracking from what I can tell. If you join Tinder it automatically pulls in your facebook profile picture. It then shows you pictures of all the people within a 50 mile radius grouped by similar likes and friends and you simply click yes or no on whether you want to fuck them or not.

Here is how you do it.

Mogul Lines

“I Invented the Internet. Kidding but not”

“I’m married but looking to fuck”

“Were you a smoke on Barstool?”

”I’m worth 2 million internet dollars if that type of stuff impresses you”

“Two Words – Davey Pageviews”

“You know what they say about big noses”

“Did you only say you wanted to smash me because I’m famous?”

Boom done. All winners. And I didn’t even think about them. They just flowed like water. Damn I’m missing out on so much pussy with my Blackberry.

read a full story – http://boston.barstoolsports.com/featured/so-this-new-app-tinder-is-all-the-rage-right-now-in-boston/

Directly from Dr. Bawdy Like’s vault

In this touching animation by filmmaker Celia Bullwinkel, a woman walks a lifetime along a neighborhood sidewalk. She ages a little bit in each scene: first a young girl, then a new mother, and finally, an old woman.

Are these book unintentionally Sexual Books? Look at their covers and guess…