Bawdy Language

Dear Dr. Bawdy,

On your suggestion, my girl friend and I tried that oral sex thing out the other night. What a bummer! I came in her ear, and she couldn’t hear a word for the entire next week. What am I doing wrong?

Dear Orally Challenged,

You have confused oral sex with otic sex. Get the wax out of your ears, buddy, and get with the program. Take a Q-tip from me. The Bawdy Language approach may suck but it’s still the universal tongue of couples worldwide.

Dear Dr. Bawdy,

My husband and I have given names to our private parts. Is that normal?

Dear Encyclopedist,

Absolutely! And you have a wide range of possibilities to select from. What you call them, however, should reflect their unique talents

Included among my favorite couples are: Emmy and Oscar, Tristan and Isolde, Fred and Ginger, Arthur and Guinevere, Homer, and Marge, and Fred and Wilma.

You can also name them for forces in the culture such as “Third Wave” and “Information age” or for particular attributes for which they are best known. I call my penis affectionately, “Pride.” After all is said and done, the one thing I am still left with is my pride… Please send my best to Punch and Judy.