Bawdy Language

A sexual reference book like no other
Everything you always wanted to do but were afraid to say



Dr. Bawdy's counseling is wholly provided for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for qualified medical advice from a licensed healthcare professional. If you're dumb enough to take it, you'll just have to suffer the consequences.

Side effects may include bloated retina, collapsed vagina, anal rash, nasal drip, and double vision. Contact an emergency room psychologist for an erection lasting longer than 20 seconds.

Any further questions regarding individual circumstances should be directed towards your general practitioner/pharmacist/veterinarian. As to any contemplated legal action, tell your lawyer that Dr. Bawdy says he should simply "Fuck off!"


Enjoy new Bawdy Crossword every Monday.

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bawdy-titty

In and around the locker room there’s little talk of breasts, but lots of conversation about tits. Tits is a charming word  that  suggests many  things.  George Carlin  once  proposed a  new crackerlike snack  treat  from Nabisco: “You can’t  eat  just  one!”  We  prefer  tits as  the  family  dog,  small,  warm,  cuddly,  and  benign—not unlike the  little  pooch  sitting  dutifully  with  his  ear  to  the  RCA phonograph. “Here tits!  Nice tits!  G-o-o-o-o-od tits!”

Historically, breasts began as teats (c.950), not becoming tits till around the  seventeenth century, later  spinning off the  likes  of titties (c. 1740) and  diddies or  diddeys (c.1780). Once they referred solely to the nipples (c. 1530); today  they  describe both soft protuberances situated on the thorax of the female.

bawdy-titty

Tits  have  been  considered vulgar  since  the  nineteenth century; it is now considered gauche to tell a lady what  lovely tits  she  has. But  it’s especially difficult  to  remember that  in  England, where when  your mind  is wandering, your  tit is in a trance.

Lenny  Bruce  once  found  himself  in  such  a  state,  fantasizing how  he  entered  Eleanor  Roosevelt’s bedroom  and   found   her changing her  clothes. “Haven’t I got beautiful tits?” she asks him. “You sure have,” he replies.  “Do you work out or anything?”


Enjoy new Bawdy Crossword every Monday.

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Woman cannot make living with left leg.

Woman cannot make living with right leg.

But between them she do all right.

—Pseudo-Oriental wisdom, c. 1950s


Enjoy new Bawdy Crossword every Monday.

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bawdy-sexual-cherry

Virginity once meant more than the condition of one’s cherry. According to Gordon Rattray Taylor’s Sex in History, the Romans distinguished between virgo, “an unmarried woman,” and virgo intacta, “a woman who had never known a man.”Ditto for the Greeks, to whom a virgin was a woman who had opted for personal autonomy instead of submitting herself to the narrow caged life of marriage. Virginity was considered less a physical state than a way of being. A woman getting married was seen as selling her independence, causing others to say she had “lost her virginity.” The only way to restore it was to sleep with a god, leaving most men out. Men for the most part continue to be infatuated with the notion. As Tamara Broder (Anjelica Huston) noted in the film Enemies, A Love Story, “Men love virgins. If every man had his way, every woman would lie down a prostitute and get up a virgin.”


Enjoy new Bawdy Crossword every Monday.

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You Name IT
female-bawdy

The Female Privates, That Is

The portions of a woman that appeal to man’s depravity

Are constructed with considerable care,

And what at first appears to be a simple little cavity

Is in fact a most elaborate affair.

Physicians of distinction have examined these phenomena

In numerous experimental dames;

They have tabulated carefully the feminine abdomina,

And given them some fascinating names.

There’s the vulva, the vagina, and the jolly perineum,

And the hymen, in the case of many brides,

And lots of other little things you’d like, if you could see ’em,

The clitoris, and other things besides.

So isn’t it a pity, when we common people chatter

Of these mysteries to which I have referred,

That we use for such a delicate and complicated matter

Such a very short and ordinary word.

 

—Anon., cited by Peter Freyer,

“It” in Mrs. Grundy, 1963


Enjoy new Bawdy Crossword every Monday.

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A few years ago a story made the rounds of a young woman in a bikini who was bathing in the surf when a particularly violent wave hit her and swept off the top of her bathing suit.

To avoid embarrassment, she embraced her nakedness with both arms.

As she was making her way to shore, a young boy stopped her and innocently inquired, “Lady, those sure are cute little puppies. You suppose I could have the one with the pink nose?”