What with the sudden resignation of Pope Benedict XVI, the Catholic Church yesterday began an active search for his successor. Always sensitive to the crying needs of mankind, Dr. Bawdy yesterday threw his hat – or was it a mitre—into the ring.
“They’re obviously looking for a fresh new face—and someone with progressive ideas,” said Bawdy as he arrived at the Vatican to be greeted by an onslaught of reporters and thousands of fans, screaming “Papa!” Papa!”
Reporter Gussepe Benedicto of the official Vatican newspaper, L’Ossevatore Romano, was granted a private interview with Bawdy during which he fanned the flames of speculation further, indicating, “Si, I am interested in the post. I am young and fit and at 150 years of age, anxious and ready to assume the position, offering a new lodestar for mankind to follow.”
Officialdom of the Holy See met in a series of secret conclaves yesterday discussing his candidacy. “This would give the Papacy a standing in the world which it has never had before. The young, the progressive would flock to his leadership,” noted Cardinal Benito Pinocchio, head of the College of Cardinals.
The Official Vatican website: http://www.vatican.va/phome_fr.htm crashed under the sheer weight of the traffic as thousands the world round joined the call in support of Bawdy.
Bawdy’s Platform: “Unprecedented,” say its supporters. “ It would drag the Church screaming and yelling (while also cheering and smiling) into the 22nd century”:
- Nuns in mini-skirts
- Masturbation, a holy rite
- Co-Ed dormitories for Nuns and Seminarians
- Vatican Contraceptive Industry
- Sex Toys which symbolize the very best in Christendom, including vibrating crucifixes
- A tri-sexual Jesus, who goes every which way
- A farm system, not unlike that of major league baseball in which would be bred anxious young altar boys properly trained to perfection to meet the needs of horny older priests, guaranteeing an on-going fresh supply of talents to meet salacious appetites worldwide
- Free Circumcision with each baptism
- Five years supply of Viagra, free with every conversion
- Islam and Judaism welcomed as branches of the new ecumenical Bawdyism.
Stay tuned as the world sits perched at the edge of its pew actively contemplating this revolutionary move. Watch the night sky for smoke, validating the decision.
