Bawdy Language

A sexual reference book like no other
Everything you always wanted to do but were afraid to say



Dr. Bawdy's counseling is wholly provided for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for qualified medical advice from a licensed healthcare professional. If you're dumb enough to take it, you'll just have to suffer the consequences.

Side effects may include bloated retina, collapsed vagina, anal rash, nasal drip, and double vision. Contact an emergency room psychologist for an erection lasting longer than 20 seconds.

Any further questions regarding individual circumstances should be directed towards your general practitioner/pharmacist/veterinarian. As to any contemplated legal action, tell your lawyer that Dr. Bawdy says he should simply "Fuck off!"

Dear Dr. Bawdy,

I knocked up my old lady, and she now wants me to make an honest woman of her. How exactly do I do that?

—Construction Novice, Evanston, IL
doctor Bawdy advice

Construction Novice,

Send for our plans ($3.95 plus s/h): “Making an Honest Woman,” part 64, subsection (a), paragraph 32. Follow the instructions to the detail.

There’s nothing complicated about it. It’s so simple a child can do it, maybe even a crocodile. Some assembly required. Batteries not included.

Looking for more sound advice? Dr. Write Dr. Bawdy with your problems. Bawdy is the world's foremost authority on sex—says he.

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