Bawdy Language

So a couple former Barstool fired smokes/interns dropped by the office today unannounced and uninvited ranting and raving about a new app called Tinder. I’d never heard of it before. Basically it launched in October but really just arrived in Boston last week. In a nutshell it’s like Hot or Not with GPS tracking from what I can tell. If you join Tinder it automatically pulls in your facebook profile picture. It then shows you pictures of all the people within a 50 mile radius grouped by similar likes and friends and you simply click yes or no on whether you want to fuck them or not.

Here is how you do it.

Mogul Lines

“I Invented the Internet. Kidding but not”

“I’m married but looking to fuck”

“Were you a smoke on Barstool?”

”I’m worth 2 million internet dollars if that type of stuff impresses you”

“Two Words – Davey Pageviews”

“You know what they say about big noses”

“Did you only say you wanted to smash me because I’m famous?”

Boom done. All winners. And I didn’t even think about them. They just flowed like water. Damn I’m missing out on so much pussy with my Blackberry.

read a full story – http://boston.barstoolsports.com/featured/so-this-new-app-tinder-is-all-the-rage-right-now-in-boston/

Directly from Dr. Bawdy Like’s vault

It may be too late for those of you who have already sinned, but thanks to Al Arabiya, you have been put on warning for next year.

An Egyptian Salafi preacher said those celebrating Valentine’s Day or selling items related to the event are “committing a sin and will burn in hell”.

In an online video posted Wednesday, Ahmad Mahmoud Abdullah, known as “Abu Islam” and owner of the private television channel of “al-Ummah,”referred to February 14 as ‘adultery day’
“February 14th,we celebrate “adultery” day. The Christian church will surely celebrate this day but I urge all Muslims and those who fear God, not to use anything tinted in red. Even al-Ahli team will not wear its red jersey” he said referring to the Egyptian national football team.

Abu Islam added that women going out to celebrate this day are considered ‘adultery and prostitution’.

“We [Muslims] do not have fornicators, we do not commit sins. Valentine’s Day represents for the Christians, a celebration for adultery and prostitution, and those who go out on this day are prostitutes. Each prostitute would choose a guy with whom she will spend her day and night” he said.

Abu Islam then further decided to ban all Muslim females in the Arab world from enjoying this day and indulging in what the celebrations has to offer.

“That was only the beginning, because they celebrate each and every saint’s day. They spend their life in celebration and “promiscuity”. What does love mean for them? Adultery, prostitution and obscenity” the preacher added.

The preacher has previously been accused of the defamation of religion. The Public Prosecution has received several notifications accusing him of defaming Christianity through statements he had made to the “Tahrir” newspaper.

He and his son also previously tore and burnt a bible in front of the U.S. Embassy in Egypt during last year’s protest against a U.S.-made film mocking Islam’s founder.

Washington refused to comment formally on his declaration, noting only a cryptic, “ Drone on on…drone on.”

Comedian, Robert Klein is a long time fan and supporter of Bawdy Language. Some even suspect him of being Dr. Bawdy. We like to thank him for his support, and call everyone’s attention to his advice to President Obama: “Keep it in your pants.”

It’s classic Bawdy.

“Who the hell is Dr. Bawdy,” you might ask?

Are you one of the few who don’t know who Dr. Bawdy is? After taking a moment to recover from your embarrassment, read on.

Dr. Celestial Bawdy, DFA, PHC, BO, LSMFT, is an esteemed scientist of human sexual behavior. He shares with you his thoughts on the goings-on sexually speaking in today’s culture and where you can dialogue directly with him on these matters.

During an appearance at NYU’s Journalism School, Jill Abramson, executive editor of The New York Times discussed a variety of topics. She noted that despite words like “f*ck” now being published in places like The New Yorker, we can all forget about finding them in the Times. “The New York Times isn’t going to start publishing swear words anytime soon.”

If a swear word is going to be used and is actually consequential to the actual news in the story, which in some cases it is, she noted, then exceptions can be made. But “it’s an elegant presentation of the news, and that’s still important to me, to keep it elegant.”

Elegant it was in describing the Times coverage of the lead-up to and justification for the Iraq War; though “obscene” night better describe it. The Times like other papers carries graphic and detailed descriptions of violence, but “Fuck” or “shit” apparently are more offensive and less elegant, making them off limits.

Ditto on the business end. As an example of its fucked up thinking, see an ad rejected by the Times..

Read the brilliant analysis on “Does the NY Time have an F Word Problem? By Mary Elizabeth Williams for a broader view of the topic.

What with the sudden resignation of Pope Benedict XVI, the Catholic Church yesterday began an active search for his successor. Always sensitive to the crying needs of mankind, Dr. Bawdy yesterday threw his hat – or was it a mitre—into the ring.

“They’re obviously looking for a fresh new face—and someone with progressive ideas,” said Bawdy as he arrived at the Vatican to be greeted by an onslaught of reporters and thousands of fans, screaming “Papa!” Papa!”

Reporter Gussepe Benedicto of the official Vatican newspaper, L’Ossevatore Romano, was granted a private interview with Bawdy during which he fanned the flames of speculation further, indicating, “Si, I am interested in the post. I am young and fit and at 150 years of age, anxious and ready to assume the position, offering a new lodestar for mankind to follow.”

Officialdom of the Holy See met in a series of secret conclaves yesterday discussing his candidacy. “This would give the Papacy a standing in the world which it has never had before. The young, the progressive would flock to his leadership,” noted Cardinal Benito Pinocchio, head of the College of Cardinals.

The Official Vatican website: http://www.vatican.va/phome_fr.htm crashed under the sheer weight of the traffic as thousands the world round joined the call in support of Bawdy.

Bawdy’s Platform: “Unprecedented,” say its supporters. “ It would drag the Church screaming and yelling (while also cheering and smiling) into the 22nd century”:

1. Nuns in mini-skirts
2. Masturbation, a holy rite
3. Co-Ed dormitories for Nuns and Seminarians
4. Vatican Contraceptive Industry
5. Sex Toys which symbolize the very best in Christendom, including vibrating crucifixes
6. A tri-sexual Jesus, who goes every which way
7. A farm system, not unlike that of major league baseball in which would be bred anxious young altar boys properly trained to perfection to meet the needs of horny older priests, guaranteeing an on-going fresh supply of talents to meet salacious appetites worldwide
8. Free Circumcision with each baptism
9. Five years supply of Viagra, free with every conversion
10. Islam and Judaism welcomed as branches of the new ecumenical Bawdyism.

Stay tuned as the world sits perched at the edge of its pew actively contemplating this revolutionary move. Watch the night sky for smoke, validating the decision.

As you know, the steamiest, sexiest, and most provocative scenes in our movies all end up on the editorial floor. And guess who just happens to be there to pick up this salacious material and to reveal its contents to the public.

The intrepid Dr. Bawdy, ever the sleuth and erstwhile public servant, today revealed the outtakes from the best picture nominations for the Academy Awards. In a first—a scoop that beat all the major media and other independent bloggers, Bawdy revealed what all America will be missing at both their theaters and the Award ceremony.

Amour: Sex amidst the clutter of walkers, dentures, and empty boxes of laxatives—passion as old as the hills rising as slowly as a centenarian’s you know what, flowing as freely as a constricted urinary tract. If you’ll pardon their French, beneath the rubble, you’ll find French kisses, French ticklers, and French fries, as well as boblos (large, fat drooping boobs),

Argo: Excised scenes of Iranian officials cursing in Farsi, likening the American escape to forced anal sex (for those unfamiliar with the practice, that’s taking it up the ass).

Django Unchained: Infamous basterds doing it on the run, featuring B&D with lots of chains and whips, all in living color, i.e. black and white.

Les Miserables: “How revolting can it get?” Les Miz, uncut, pushes the envelope of restraint to the point of tearing it wide open. In their passionate commitment to authenticity, the film foregoes simulation for the real thing. Bulemics going down for a piece of bread, creative use of candlesticks, and orgasms at the guillotine,

Beasts of the Southern Wild: Sex in the bathtub. The penultimate blow job, inspired by—what else—the hurricane—filled with gangs of swingers black and white engaged in a wild orgy featuring wile and erotic play using the amazingly versatile crayfish deployed in strange places, doing even stranger things.

Life of Pi: Pussy writ large. The ups and downs of bestiality

Silver Linings Playbook: The sexual virtuosity of bipolarity. If you can believe the film, it’s at least, twice as good as normal.

Zero Dark Thirty: The joys of sexual climax while being water-boarded. You’ll be talking about it for years (no matter how much the CIA denies it).

Lincoln: Candid footage of Abe and Mary Todd, forming a more perfect union. Abe performing oral sex with his stove pipe hat on; Mary assuming the superior position atop our revered president; Abe shouting, “I am your slave,” while reciting the Gettysburg Address silently so as to maintain his restraint; finally screaming, “Emancipation!” Mary screaming, “Free at last. And if we hurry, it’s still not too late to make it to the theater.”

The Winner of the Bawdy Golden Penis Award (Drum Roll please) is…

Long and Sustained applause.

Eat your heart out Doris Kearns Goodwin.

Warning! To those of you contemplating a vacation in Iceland and who are thinking of bringing your laptops with you.

According to the European statistics reports, Iceland is one of the most advanced countries in terms of number of internet users. 95-98% of the country’s population has the access to the internet. At the same time, according to national statistics, 14-year-16-year olds there spend more time on porn websites than teenagers in other European countries.

Iceland is determined to do something about this. Idle hands—as we all know—are the devil’s plaything. And God knows what those teenage hands are busy doing.

So, in a hands-on approach, the country has taken steps to ban online pornography. Critics of censorship in the internet say that if this bill is approved, one of the coldest European countries will become even colder.

The draft law can be adopted this spring. When it comes into effect all porn-websites will be banned and their IP-addresses will be blocked. It will be no longer possible to pay for the services of porn suppliers using credit cards of Iceland’s banks.

To those who claim that it is impossible to ensure such a ban technically, the minister’s senior adviser, Halla Gunnarsdóttir, noted how if humans managed to send a man to the Moon it is definitely possible to banish porn from the Internet. Nothing new here. Printed pornography was banned on Iceland about 10 years ago. And the Interior Minister Ögmundur Jónasson has already made a mark with a number of bans. In 2009, his government banned prostitution ( criminalizing those who pay for sex) and in 2010, strip clubs.

Ironically, it was Scandinavian countries namely Iceland’s closest relatives Denmark and Sweden where porn expansion started the 1960s.

Ironically, too, in that Iceland is home to the world’s largest display of penises and penile parts. Check it out people! Here: (http://www.phallus.is/)

As for me, I’m heading to Thailand. Penises be damned! … by Doctor Bawdy