Bawdy Language

Read more – http://bawdylanguage.com/sampler-Book-of-Toilette-Falling-Behind.php

S-H-I-T. It is probably the most popular word in the English language and responsible for some of our most expressive sentiments. We’ve a shit-load of expressions that capture perfectly the nature of the human condition. Add a simple exclamation point and what better way to register disgust, disappointment, or frustration? It can mean very little — nothing, or the least quality as “This ain’t worth shit.” or represent the very best, as in top quality street drugs: “This is some good shit

It’s everywhere. You’ll find it in the most exotic places — in your pants, alongside a shave, shower, shine, and shampoo, on a stick, and in a handbag (all 20thC). Most people are full of it; those who aren’t simply act shitty. We start the day telling others, “I feel like shit,” eliciting the remark, “You do seem flushed.” Dispassionate observers reinforce the sentiment, noting how you look like shit or like ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag (both 20thC). We pretend not to notice the resemblance.

When you speak of a movement, or sit on a seat,
Have a passage, or stool, or simple excrete;
Or say to the others, “I’m going out back,”
Then groan in pure joy in that smelly old shack.
You can go lay a cable, or do number two,
Or sit on the toidy and make a do-do,
But ladies and men who are socially fit,
Under no provocation will go take a shit!

— “Ode to Those Four-Letter Words”

Read more – “Bawdy Language,” the Book

Go to Brendan’s blog and enjoy the Weiner crossword

Happy Sexual Fourth of July!

One nation under God…? Well if the Republican party has its way, they, not God will be the ones to have fucked-up the country.

Plenty of pre-fourth fireworks down in Texas as legislators there discover new self-evident truths in the course of a discussion of proposed anti-abortion legislation, called “The Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act.”

In the midst of said discussion, Rep. Michael Burgess (R-Texas) said Monday that abortion should be banned as early as 15 weeks after conception because he has witnessed male fetuses masturbating at that stage.

“This is a subject that I do know something about,” said Burgess. “There is no question in my mind that a baby at 20 weeks after conception can feel pain. The fact of the matter is, I argue with the chairman because I thought the date was far too late. We should be setting this at 15 weeks, 16 weeks.”

“Watch a sonogram of a 15-week baby, and they have movements that are purposeful,” Burgess continued. “They stroke their face. If they’re a male baby, they may have their hand between their legs. If they feel pleasure, why is it so hard to think that they could feel pain?”

So the next time a pregnant friend invites you to feel her tummy – just watch it! All that movement, well, that could be some pretty private stuff going on down there. And you don’t want to mess with Mr. In-between.

According to the former, OB-GYN, The little bugger’s apparently not just stretching down there; he’s also rising to the occasion. What exactly is he masturbating to? No one knows for sure. Whatever, it is doesn’t really matter. He’s just doing what comes naturally. As every man knows, it’s never too early to take matters into your own hands.

Unfortunately, if the fetus is experiencing pleasure, that makes a good argument for abortion. As every good Republican knows, sex should never be pleasurable. It has but one purpose—procreation, and if that dumb-ass fetus isn’t aware of that—well, he probably should be put out of his misery before he becomes a teen-ager and those bad habits learned in the womb come back to haunt society.

Earlier, state Rep. Jodie Laudenberg, (R) lawmaker, also broke new sexual ground with her revelation that a proposed exemption for rape victims was unnecessary because assaulted women could simply turn to rape kits for abortions. “In the emergency room they have what’s called rape kits, where a woman can get cleaned out,” she explained

Seemingly, Representative Laudenberg had discovered a whole new dimension to rape kits, whose primary function is to collect evidence of sexual assault

Asked about it later in a private interview with Dr. Bawdy, Laudenberg cited numerous scientific studies whose findings proved unequivocally the value of the kit.

“It drives out dirt, stamps out smut; attacks greasy smears, blots on justice, and tough stains. It’s truly a washday miracle!” she exclaimed enthusiastically.

“Don’t leave home without it. Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is. A little dab’ll do you. And away go problems down the drain.”

She concluded with the assertion that it was the patriotic duty of rape victims to use the kit. . “Hooray for the red, white, and blue!” she exclaimed. “Colors look even cleaner and brighter than before.”

Russians celebrating 4th July

Okuizumo , a smalltown in western Shimane prefecture received five-metre (16-foot) replicas of David and of Greek treasure the Venus de Milo, as donations from a businessman from the area.

The two statues, however, have unnerved residents, with some calling for the naked masterpiece to be given underpants.
The statues were put up in a large public park that also includes a full-size running track, a baseball stadium, tennis courts, a mountain bike course and a play area for children.

“Some people have told the town’s legislators that toddlers are afraid of the statues because they are so big and they appeared unexpectedly over the summer,” noted town official Yoji Morinaga.“They are statues of unclothed humans, and such pieces of art work are very rare in our area. Some people apparently said the statues might not be good for their children,” he said.

While many locals have welcomed the new cultural additions to the mountainside town of fewer than 15,000 residents, some have asked for David to wear underwear to preserve his modesty, the Yomiuri Shimbun said.

“It is the first time we have had anything like this in our town. Perhaps people were perplexed,” Morinaga said.

Could a bra also be in the offing for Venus? You never know.

Been there… done that. Shades of John Ashcroft who as Attorney General under George W. Bush draped the figure of The Spirit of Justice to block its viewing.

Is it wrong for statues to be nude? Join the idiotic debate here: http://idebate.org/discussions/philosophy-and-religion/it-wrong-statues-be-nude

Dr. Bawdy today salutes whistle-blower Edward Snowden. One can only wonder as to the many millions of governmental email interceptions he had to go through, before he stumbled upon this nugget of wisdom which he was kind enough to share with the world. It seems to be original with him however, not something our government practices.

“Go to your nearest Krispy Kreme Drive-thru,” he wrote. “Pick up one of the warm ‘fresh of the line’ ones and go put them on your nightstand. You have not lived until you’ve rolled over to post-coital Krispy Kremes. That’s what being an American is all about. I recommend them. “

Notice he said, “post coital,’ for those of you unfamiliar with “Bawdy Language,” “post coital” means “after having fucked.” You aren’t so naïve as to believe the holes in those donuts just magically appeared there…or are you?

We owe Snowden a deep sense of gratitude. He appears to have finally located the source of American exceptionalism—that which separates us from the rest of the world. Post coital krispy Kremes. What does the rest of the world put on their nightstand? You might wonder. Does anyone really give a fuck? Cold lasagna in Italy? Day-old borscht in Russia? Slimy sushi from Japan? Krispy Kremes—only in America! Fuck yes!

Stand by Snowden in defense of our basic liberties—freedom of speech, privacy, and the right to devour Krispy kremes after sex . But why stop there? Hmmmm—what about during sex? Consider the possibilities? As to the NSA, you know what they can do with their Krispy Kremes.

Directly from the desk of Dr. Bawdy – http://bawdylanguage.com/blog

Lest we forget how thoroughly screwed up the Church is, Roman Catholic Universities are quick to remind us.

According to a notice posted on the employee bulletin board at Seton Hall University’s heavy metal radio station, WSOU, uttering any band names or playing any songs with the words “devil,” “Satan,” “God,” “Jesus,” or “any other Catholic references that are portrayed in a negative light” will result in suspension.

To take any guesswork out of which band names aren’t appropriate for the airwaves at “Seton Hall’s Pirate Radio,” the management drafted a list of the 53 dirtiest band names that you can never say on the radio, a la George Carlin’s iconic monologue about TV.

The list includes such metal radio staples as Cradle of Filth, Cannibal Corpse, Anal Cunt, Morbid Angel, and Deicide, but also a bunch of just-fun-to-say-out-loud outfits such as Adolf Satan, Baby Jesus Hitler, Crucifucks, Jesus Chrysler, Smother Theresa, and, of course, Hell-O. And oh yes, mentioning Nickleback and/or Justin Bieber will result in a DJ’s immediate termination.

Rock on for God, my sisters and brethren. Hallelujah!

Twitter does not like I-Pornography

Analytics for #ipornography

Hashtag analytics for #ipornography are presented below for the past 24 hours using Twitter’s streaming API for a 1% sample of all tweets. Upgrade your account to view more detailed information.

Apply is the second biggest hater of I-Pornography

Banning pornography and other offensive materials from the iPhone App Store, Apple has tried to limit the smut available on its iPhone to what you can find on the Web.

Porny apps are ubiquitous in the iTunes store.

Here’s the real surprise: Not many of them are making that much money, however. That’s because porny apps seldom make the best-selling list, which is dominated by games.

Directly from the desk of Dr. Bawdy – http://bawdylanguage.com/blog

Read more about Apple I-porn: http://www.businessinsider.com/15-outrageous-sex-apps-that-made-it-into-the-iphone-app-store-2010-2?op=1#ixzz2W1pWD0xe

Weather Forecast: Hard and getting harder

Lots of tumultuous activity according to KLST in San Angelo Texas. A new storm, formerly flaccid, is now suddenly rising to the occasion. It is expected to be fully blown and eject a torrential downpour over the area. We here at weather central encourage safe-weather practices. Those in the vicinity should take cover and take the necessary precautions. If you find yourself in the path of this raging storm, do bend over nor not turn your back to it. In the rare event that the condition lasts more than four hours, consult your local meteorologist immediately to obtain the necessary relief. Failure to do so could result in permanent problems. Weather, you see, can be a dick!

From Dr. Bawdy’s news – http://bawdylanguage.com/blog

Dr. Bawdy is shocked. It doesn’t happen very often but he is for once left speechless.

A court in Texas just exonerated a man who shot and killed a woman who had refused to have sex with him. She’s dead, and he will serve no time at all.

Here’s what happened: Ezekiel Gilbert shot and killed a Craigslist escort after she left without having sex with him. His lawyer argued that since he had paid her $150 for the evening, he was justified under Texas law in shooting her because state law allows people “to use deadly force to recover property during a nighttime theft.”

Killing a woman who refuses to have sex with you …Wow! Consider the opportunities!

From Dr. Bawdy’s blog – http://bawdylanguage.com/blog